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In Reply to: Re: Fidelity posted by cat on April 15, 2006 at 03:31:03:
I hear your plight. I am in the same place thought a bit different. It is a doble standard and to me it is not the "cheating" part what is the question but the "trusting" part. What puts the brake on is when I think "what if everybody knew"? And then I think about how much trust I want them to have on me and how much trust I want to have on them.
Sexual involvement has something in it. On one side, if it is casual and void of romance, only as a function of the physical urge, I would say go for it if nobody else is or will be affected. But when one side has an emotional investment then things can and will change pretty quickly, and also in unexpected way. In other words, if cheating is only for mutual sheer carnal pleasure that one is not getting at home, well, it is a matter of the individuals to talk it over and make sure there is no emotional involvement.
People will get hurt if there are emotions involved in anyh one of those who have any relationship to the "cheating", spouse, children, relatives, etc. It is not just an everyday thing. They there are all of the accessories, such as lying. There has to be a certain level of deception, which then involves all of the guilt and possible "accidental" disclosures. There is a lot of pressure and stress associated to cover ups. And in the end, those close to the "cheaters" always suspect there is something going on.
And trust is broken.
In my experience, one of the most valuable things to obtain, maintain and retain in a relationship is trust, unconditional trust. Suspicion alone can kill trust, much less certainty. And we are the ones who end up getting hurt as we find what we've lost.
One of my friends told me once "what can that person do to me that I cannot do to myself, and even better".
But if you are in a loveless relationship and need companionship (not necessarily sex) then by all means, go for it. Just protect your children.
