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In Reply to: Each doing our piece posted by Roger on January 09, 2005 at 18:43:53:
Roger, could it be that you are re-framing content and making someone's hopes out to be "expectations"? That gives the poster a whole other slant and not necessarily where they are coming from.
Though I did make peace with my kids it was not about "The Family" abuses, but by and large about what I wished I could have provided had I not been in the family. I got out when they were quite young and we were poor for a long time as I was a single parent and it was a big struggle for a long time. I have also been told by them that "You were always a good mother" and not to be so hard on myself. But I made my peace with them regarding things I had no control over primarily, like poverty in readjusting to the outside world with no resources, resume, drivers license, checkbook, social services etc.
This is one reason I want and like to look up resources for people because I found some the long hard way.
And because no parent is perfect, I also was open to them about their hurts incl. any that could have been prevented by me. I didn't have that power within the family system.
You wrote:
"Meanwhile, let's really empathize with the SGs. The suicides continue, as Jules pointed out, and if we can't understand how much pain that represents, then we're simply not trying. Each of us has to come to terms and come to an understanding of our own involvement in causing that, and Jules herself has said that someone like Jo or GentlerKinder (I can't remember which) was simply not as guilty as others. Maybe you fit in that category too."
Please see the repost above of the e-mail from the Ultra Authority author for a psychologist's viewpoint of who is causing what. Also empathy does not occur in the form of supporting misdirected anger. I don't get the blame game. It doesn't help when misdirected or when FGs try to repent for things they have not caused. It does help to state regrets for things done or for what one would have liked to have seen happen and to validate the horrors that SGs have experienced. But FGs have experiences and suicides
continue with FG too. SG's aren't to blame for that. So if you would please, read the post I mentioned and write your commnents on it. It is not from an FG or any G to do with the Family. It is from a professional who is referenced at MovingOn.
Perhaps you feel the way YOU do because maybe you were someone in a position of authority or a higher up in the family in the past and did things you don't like. I don't know. But I was not and I am not the cause of suicides that happen to SGs.
I certainly realize as I believe Acheick does too, that no one can be forced to work together and I haven't seen anyone trying to force that. Hoping for it is healthy. Nothing wrong with hope.
And what is this about a list of people way to blame, people partly to blame, people maybe not so much to blame? Hell, haven't we had enough of that?
