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In Reply to: Memory posted by Max on April 05, 2004 at 09:40:52:
I just read your messages as I have been away for awhile. I left the family before the camps and such for children started. (Left in Dec. 82).
Although I am an "FG" I do relate to feelings of numbness punctuated with outbursts of anger, or sudden anxiety. This has gotten better. Sometimes it is worse if certain events "trigger" feelings.
Before joining the family as a teen, I grew up in a house where there was abuse of all kinds, so I can relate to loss of "family", the pain of having no extended family for my kids etc.
I had no normal job skills when I left the family, and I had no driver's license at the age of 30. And I had 3 kids. Survival was very hard. Sometimes the best I could do was just stay focused on getting on my feet.
I will be honest and say that I have needed medication for anxiety and depression that has helped me greatly. It beats the hell out of the exhaustion those states can give you.
As far as a psychiatrist goes, usually their main job is to treat people with medicine and to listen to you to decide which medicine to use. Oftentimes a good place to start with getting help is via a women's center. There is an org. called RAINN (Rape, Abuse, Incest Nat'l Network.) Their e-mail is (hope I got that right.)
I am sure Australia has something similar. Women's orgs usually have many excellent resources. Incl. resources for getting your education caught up, furthering education, getting connected to medical help and therapy.
One reason they are often good places to start is that they deal with issues of domestic abuses incl. rape,physical and sexual abuses, etc. and the therapist's job is to help the person sort thru their losses and get on their feet.
For a long time I could not deal with the past. I would start to talk or write about it and feel as if I was writing or reading a shopping list or something--just dead.
Then maybe hrs. later I would feel intense anxiety often experiencing panic.
If I would say anything to you I would say keep on hanging in there. You are young and although so much has been damaged, you have great strength of spirit to have survived everything that you have.
One day, you may be helping others to survive this hard stuff. Or you may be looking back at the past as something that no longer has such a grip on you. Glad you have found Moving On. I am also glad you are here. :')
