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In Reply to: Memory posted by Max on April 05, 2004 at 09:40:52:
I haven't exactly had the problem myself, but if I had been through the upbringing and abuse that you had, I very well might have. But I do understand what you're saying because you describe it so graphically and clearly. Have you ever thought of journaling, writing down your thoughts on an ongoing basis? I've heard some people do that and it really helps sort things out.
When I have a problem and it's all a big confused mass and I can't make heads or tails, I will type it down so the thoughts are at least in front of me. And invariably I find that if I write down all my confused thoughts, that in the middle of what I write down, there's the answer. At least I can see what it ain't so I can figure out from there where to go.
Another thing I do if I'm feeling depressed and confused is to sit down and ask myself, "WHY am I feeling this way?" I figure there had to have been a trigger or a reason. The first thought that usually comes back to me is, "I don't know why," but I keep thinking and mulling and usually after a while I'm able to put my finger on what specific thing is causing me to feel depressed. And once I understand it, I can deal with it.
It's like have an abcess around a wound and you gotta get the sliver out. The abcess is all the pain but the sliver is the cause of it. I'm not saying this will work for you but it has for me. I know you have a lot more to deal with than I do. Here's wishing you the best! I do also know there are some great folks at MovingOn and if you were to take this same post you posted here, and post it there, you'd get people who've been through the exact same thing and who'd be able to tell you how they've learned to deal with it. Try it! You deserve all the support you can get.
