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In Reply to: Re: Leaving the cult posted by Joseph on February 03, 2004 at 22:53:09:
unfortunately, leaving the family and starting a commune or joining one similar is far from any solution leading to recovery, but people do this frequently because they know no other way or it provides some sort of half-way situation that seems easier to step out into.
Just so you know Joseph, for myself and I am sure for many other exers, I left the family with kids and I was a burn out with huge amounts of baggage filled with family damage. I had to hit the ground running. The only family my kids had was ME and I had no one. It is a very hard road for people leaving without already existing help. At the times those "three" left there was little known about help, though some may have had family support still around that helped them get back on their feet, or they met and were able to make friends with people from an org. that could help them. NOW there are lists of resources, many more volunteers for moral support, some for more active support. No one needs a home visit from anyone else who was in the family or associated to write a report on what is available. Before "two years later" help has been available. Some seem to have a need to recognize "official" family approved places for help, or wounded-exer (who badly needs help themselves, at least psychologically) approved places to go.
Say for instance one of these places has exers litnessing "Dad's" "good" literature, that is so sick in and of itself. OR say one of these places or hosts convinces someone who needs psychiatric intervention and has the resources to obtain it, that prayer is all they need and that severely hurting person is sabotaged from getting help. NOT because anyone is trying to do a disservice or harm someone but because they are NOT healing themselves fully and are unintentionally putting their own garbage on the people they "help".
The point of all this is to say that I think that exers can get good help from other exers, but if other exers really want to help, they will connect these same exers to professionals who have worked with, for example, survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence. (Because these are plentiful and many dynamics are the same) as a PART of their recovery plan.
Then these same survivors might just get a sense that their own strengths are pulling them through to recovery. And be thankful for the help along the way. But when someone posts that they will no longer work with others in a fit-like way, sorta like: *I am damned if I do or damned if I don't* that only conveys that the person quits and wants to assign blame to other exers because of their criticism. Like, O.K kids, I am gonna quit helping because those mean ole other exers are calling me names. This is one more sure sign that the person "helping" needs emotional support herself. And we as exers are all worth getting help.
