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In Reply to: Leaving the cult posted by curious on February 03, 2004 at 22:01:14:
When I visited Laurelhome, Barney encouraged me to write honestly and openly and to be critical if I felt that way.
Of course, I thought it was a little odd that someone would tell me that was okay, as if it were his place to bestow the right to free speech on me. I just figured it was his way of making me feel comfortable.
I don't know that he was really ready for an outsider who has never been subjected to the COG style manipulation to come as far into his inner circle as I was at one time. I think that there were times when he really appreciated my frankness. I also think that there were a lot of times when he wished I had never shown up.
All I can really tell you is my opinion after being about as close with him as anyone probably gets to a guy like that. I visited his house, he visited mine. We exchanged hundreds of emails and private messages, and spent many hours on the telephone.
I do believe that Barney is an ex-member. In other words I do not believe that he is secretly still in The Family on some kind of mission. I think that the only reason that he isn't in The Family is that they kicked him out. Not once, but twice.
I absolutely believe that he still admires Berg. I've visited a number of CM Homes, and I wouldn't be able to tell his home apart from one of them in terms of the kind of visable signs.
I never observed organized readings of Mo Letters there. There was Family literature around, but there were Family members staying at the place, so I figured that these things belonged to them.
One bright shining asset he has is his wife. She is one of the finest human beings I have ever met. She doesn't have a phony bone in her body. What she seems to want is a normal life, with a normal job and a normal home. But, she is married to this guy on a mission. She works hard at a normal job all day, and comes home to a house full of these people with all sorts of terrible problems. She and Barney had a personal problem a while back, and I called him up and told him that he had to do whatever it took to make her happy, because he would be a lost cause without her. There were times that the only reason I stuck with Barney was because I have so much admiration and respect for Joanna.
I really didn't have any idea if I was doing any good at NDN regarding Barney or not. But, Joanna asked us on a few occasions not to give up on him, because what we were saying to him was sinking in. He was just a kid when he joined the Family, and the Family way was the only way he knew. But, after his experiences with us, some of it seemed to be rubbing off. I kept my word to her. I quit a few times, but I returned in a few weeks. In the end, Barney was the one who quit.
He never really gave me a clear answer why he was leaving. Barney isn't good at being clear.
My guess is that he had become a bystander at NDN. David C, George and I were runnning the day to day operations. I think it just got to a point where he didn't feel like it was his anymore.
Since leaving, he contacted me one time and let me know that he was upset that I had written a message on NDN where I referred to his as a "wacky" personality. I told him that I was surprised that he was offended at that, because I thought I was being kind.
One other time, he called me during the big fires we had here in So. California, just to see if we were okay. I thought that was really thoughtful of him, and I appreciated it.
I've spent personal one-on-one time with A, B & C. The only one of them that I think would ever possibly return to The Family would be Barney. But, I think he might have to do it without his wife. So, he might never do it. But, a big part of his heart is stuck there, I believe. Regardless of what anyone thinks of Anneke here, she won't go. She's living way to comfortable a life to screw that up by rejoining a cult. Cancion hates Maria and Peter with a passion. Her more recent writings that I've seen don't mention "Papa", so I don't know if perhaps she has moved on from that. I hope so.
I just think that these three are probably doing what they know how to do. Most of you guys went out and got mainstream jobs. These three seem to crave communal life to different extents.
In being candid about my observations on these three, I don't want to miss the point that no matter how odd they are, they have really helped a number of people, who owe them a debt of gratitude for keeping them off the street.
Anyway, I don't know if any of this is what you wanted to hear. If you want a definate answer, then it is "No", Barney is not a secret agent for The Family. Leaders I talk to trust Barney less than any of you do. They think he was wrong for hosting a website that allowed "free speech", again as if that was something that another person has sitting on a shelf ready to just give out to passers by.
