|
In Reply to: Re: helping other/or not. And dirty dishes posted by kinda gentler on February 03, 2004 at 06:50:27:
I agree wholeheartedly that taking time to heal (thank God we have a lifetime) is far more important than taking time to continue to serve in a dyfunctional capacity, although I agree with Jane that helping out helps too. For example: during my time of "coming out", I did a bit of helping out. I taught some art lessons and some songs, shovelled the walk, gave some money, cooked a few meals, etc....and it was beneficial to me as well as them. Now if I had tried to teach doctrine, or take over the leadership, or establish a mission in my unrecovered state, well....that would have caused all kinds of stumbling, not to mention causing the heathen to blaspheme the name of God as well, as the scriptures (and you) have said. Once one heals however, I have found that the desire and the calling to serve is still there. As He says, "You have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, (don't ask me why) that you should go and bring forth fruit." There is no doubt in my mind that your fruit would remain too. After all, you'd be speaking with integrety and from a fully recovered heart.
I spent alot of time out in the marshes and swamps as a part of my recovery - you know, away from everything. I needed the time and the solitude. I was suffering from depression BIG TIME. I even went so far as to go back to my chilhood days where it was safe (for me) and raised a bunch of chickens and ducks, geese, pigeons, turkeys, etc.... Same for Fran, she wants a Great Dane again, something that was important to her, safe, during the madness of her life prior to joining the Fam.
I have, since getting over the Fam, been able to let go of the ducks and the geese, the chickens, turkeys, pigeons etc..; they were starting to interfere with my new horizons life and future. I'll still take time amongst the daily rigors of living for the swamps and the marshes though, it's a priority - a part of my mental health, but it's not a need like I needed in the past. Same for taking time to pray or to think on the Word, my spiritual health - that's still a priority and I make time for it amongst the rigors of daily living too. Fran would be my third priority. I gotta keep dating her; not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually, as in communicating and helping, building, and looking for the good etc... Besides, keeping the relationship healthy is what's going to keep the kids healthy. Work is my last priority, although it takes the most time. However, I won't let it interfere with my other 'less time taking' priotities. Of course, I'm not under the law about any of this. It's a basic lifestyle that I try to live by and it works for me.
Coming to the boards here and learning just what it was I was having to say goodbye to was instrumental in lifting me from the unresolved depression that had gone on for years, litterally shutting me down. As you probably already know, depression is anger turned inwards and I was angry, no doubt about it; angry that I had 'failed God' in my mind, and angry that the Fam had ts'ed and ostricicized us. I turned all that anger onto myself and was literally beating myself to death. After all, what did I know as a recovering drug and religious addict? Neverthelss, the boards exposed the Fam's bottom line, it's pedophillia issues, and I was able to let the Fam go. My anger had now hit the true target and the depression lifted; my health and well being returned litterally overnight. I was able to forgive myself for 'failing God' as well, and have since been able to pick up the pieces and rebuild. As you know, Fran's recovery from the garbage out of her past followed, for the most part. Isn't the truth wonderful?
Take all the time you need for yourself and your healing. You deserve it, and you are going to be a superstar in the kingdom in my opinion.
