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In Reply to: Re: about helping others...or not posted by Jane on February 03, 2004 at 00:55:14:
Although my post was a generality about healing, the point was that whether I am doing nothing to help others, or doing plenty to help others, if I am not healing myself, I would be operating from a sick perspective. That and also that it is not necessary to help anyone but myself if that is all I want to do after getting out from under that group. There is no way that years of being in the Family would leave any exer unscathed. Jumping into working with others without working on myself with some outside help, not just from the sun, could result in putting my unhealed problems out on others. An example would be that If I started a commune for people that were exers and still had devotions, visions or prophecies from God about my work, and I revered Berg's early works and still passed out lit or incorporated that in the daily routine for people living on my premises. That is sick. Not helpful at all. Unless there was no other option on earth for someone to get some help. The fact is that there ARE other options and those options of something healthier are growing. As others have pointed out, there are others willing to take people into their homes, and others that would be more than willing to be a contact on the outside to support anyone going into treatment, whether that be a halfway sort of place where a person can get medical, financial, and therapeutic help as well as job training and GED, etc.
Also, it is perfectly okay for anybody that wants to just help themselves and their own immediate family to heal via the help of skilled professionals and/or friends that are not ex- cult members.
For those exers that do help, well good for them. Obviously they have the resources. One scary thing though would be if an exer went to them for help and felt judged or at risk of being "ex-communicated" for going against the grain of the home because they were not in control of their kids enough, or were too "dirty", or seen as not "grateful" enough, or alcohol abuse and sexual "sharing" were part of the allowances in the "recovery" environment and then there were pressures resulting from that. Or being hyper-critical in comments could result in a crushing "ex-com" of sorts. I have personally talked to a few people that have received "help" from exers that had some real blows that were very damaging, like where perhaps a child of theirs was helped and then grilled (God didn't we get dealt with enough in the family)when they were already overwhelmed.
So I hope people get help, but most of all, right now, I need to help myself and that is just fine.
I don't want to replace my cult experience with anything that is a modified version of "the Family" or that dances in the breath of that dragon. To me, it reminds me of that Berg letter "dirty dishes" where he justifies (or builds up to justifying) going into prostitution and many of the other sicknesses of the Family in order to "save souls". Well I don't see that methodology as doing anything more than drowning others in dirty dishwater, including the dishwasher. Jane, I hope you and your family use all the access and ability you have to get help for yourselves. There is nothing shameful in getting help after the family and any other cult-like affiliations any person gets into after leaving. Sometimes doing this is part of the healing process. (Getting into "Familiar" terrain like a sick little church or a support group with gurus). I wish us all the best. And by the way, mountain climbing and such are excellent and healthy therapeutic past times. I am sure that your excursions along those paths have been very restorative. :)
