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In Reply to: Some thoughts posted by AG on December 10, 2003 at 05:34:05:
When people commit crimes as a result of alcohol abuse, there are some clear things they do KNOW:
Alcohol/drug abuse is looked upon as criminal and inappropriate behavior. No where is there a cult that says out of control behavior as the result of an addiction is okay and God's will, etc. And they have 24/7 supervision/control.
In a cult situation like the Family, the follower is taught that to disobey or to avoid family doctrine is to be "weak", "rebellious", "selfish", "self-centered", against the family and against, in fact, GOD.
Therefore, the drug abuse comparison is just not adequate in the context of abuses committed in the family. A person has to be far enough away from family doctrine to make any meaningful amends. What is wrong with Zerby's "apology" is that is is not one. It is clearly a lame attempt at appeasing the judge and doing some damage control regarding the image of the family. And to avoid more meaningful prosecution.
If members truly believe in their mind that their resistance to some of the worst horrors is a weakness, selfishness, and a sin against God in the "Thru the Looking Glass" type cult world of the family, then it is very very different from an addict who uses, abuses, commits crimes, feels guilty and proceeds to continue the cycle because of their addiction.
So what to do? I think all G's need and deserve support and treatment for the fallout of the family experience.
Then where direct amends are owed, that can be done, hopefully not with a sponsor, who would have no understanding of the differences of addiction and cult membership, but with a skilled therapist or social worker or even clergy with a clear understanding of the nature of the beast.
As far as general validation goes, it is needed for all G's. Validation for the hurts and pains of the family. And then between generations, it certainly helps to be able to say, "I believe you that this happened. I know of ____ and _____ that happened.
I don't see it as helpful at all for first gen to say (unless they are a direct perpetrator of the coerced kind) that they know what happened and are sorry they did nothing to stop it. (except in hindsight). The reason being that people that are FG that come out of the family and arent natural born predators have a huge sense of guilt about what they saw when they recognize the family for what it was/is. To then call themselves ignorant or stupid, or perpetrators, in many cases, who willingly joined in this sort of behavior just does further damage. The natural born predators are the ones that will never be sorry, that will only be sorry if they are caught, and will call their victims liars and make it all about them (their victims)
