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In Reply to: Re: Reframing Family-think: I did not "join" the family! posted by Michael K. on December 10, 2003 at 04:05:07:
The point is moot - everyone is saying they are responsible for their decisions, this has been repeated over and over again, but that point is qualified. It's a bigger picture than just black and white. Bravo for your friend, but not everyone is that tough and clever or brave. PLUS, she had her children, mothers in the group were faced with the bleak choice of leaving without their children. Did your friend have to leave her children in a communist china to be raised by the government? That would be a similar scenario. Doesn't sound like it. Sounds like she was also VERY smart, she had a gift she could use. Many mothers in the F. had barely a high school education and were basically raised on David Berg who taught them nothing but mindless robotic drivel which would potentially take years of therapy to undo. It's just not the same. Joining the F. and it's susbsequent trauma are unique in many ways.
Also, I have a daughter right now who has tried twice to leave her husband. She had actually gotten to the point of renting an apartment and then gave the keys back at the last moment. I know her to be a very intelligent, strong, independent young woman. However, she has two babies and has just not been able to take that plunge of living alone with two very demanding children and no real means of support. She also blames no one even though her husband verbally abuses her and berates her for every little thing she does. She takes full responsibility. Still, that does not absolve him for his abuse, now does it? It seems to me, that is what you are saying, boiled down. And what can I do while I watch my beautiful daughter wasting away in a loveless, abusive marriage? I and she have to wait until the time is right for her and apparently, it is not now. If she were in therapy, she would talk about her husband and his abuse, that would be needful and it would be the truth, it is not shirking her responsbility, however.
I also vehemently disagree with your end conclusion that because we see the evils in the F. and what they did to us as victims does not then translate that we will automatically fall victim to other false prophets, rather exactly the opposite is what in fact happens. I and other exmembers I know purposely steer clear of anything that even remotely smacks as a guru or group-think. In fact, the exmembers I have seen fall victim to yet another situation of being led astray were those that did not see or speak out about the evils of the F. and it's and Berg's methods. There is simply nothing wrong about discussing the responsbility of the F., Berg, their methods and how they victimized us as well. It does not mean we are not taking responsibility for our initial choice of joining. Yes, we did join, but we were also recruited and we were lied to and deceived. These are all facts.
