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In Reply to: blondie posted by susie on November 26, 2003 at 15:44:22:
Yes I did see videos of dancing girls by the water falls, including "nudie cutie" dances by really young girls. I think I never even took notice of them for a few reasons.
One, I was trying to leave at that point, and doing whatever it took to play the part and survive so I could secretly save up and get out at the right time.
Two, I never noticed the young girls, because they didn't like turn me on or get my attention whatsoever. I justs saw it and was blind to it somehow. No alarm bells. My mind was already being assaulted by all the horrible new changes, the "dark ages" of the 80's as Blondie put it, so I was not in my full thinking capacity.
Since coming out, I've learned a lot about how the mind works. When the mind is going through a traumatic experience, it shuts down whatever might take away its energy and focus, and reserves all its resources for survival.
An example of this is what happened to my friend. He had been in a hit-and-run accident, and he managed to walk himself into the emergency ward of a hospital several miles away. Half his face was missing, all his teeth were gone, he had a dislocated shoulder and broken ribs, AND amnesia! He had no idea how he got there, but the nurses told him he walked himself to the hospital and simply collapsed.
The doctors told him that he probably picked himself up and did whatever it took to get himself to safety, and his brain had to shut down whatever else was not relevant in order to make it to the hospital.
I realize now that I was in fact already in survival mode before my experince with TF. It didn't help, all the hirrible things I went through in there put me in bigger shock. It was only years after leaving that I was able to pull myself together and process it all.
