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In Reply to: Re: To Mekka posted by tigress on November 07, 2002 at 23:28:40:
Wow Tigress there's a lot in your post that I want to try to comment on: I hope I don't end up typing all day! Those are good questions and I've had similar experiences and feelings.
My experience with former "friends" in the F has been the same. They ignore me now. It seems that since I left there has been no contact or response from any of them whatsoever!
I know some FMers, they have CMers contacting them regularily, but they eat up the "testimonies" and they ooh and aah over how great the CMers are. These FMers never witness, and only one of them reads the pubs they get, but they hang on to the F "dream". So whenever any F members come around they have contact with them.
I also know an ex member who gives a place to stay to teams that come from "the field" to visit their contacts, raise funds etc. He's so much into his own world with his computers and the internet that he doesn't give a second thought to Berg or the F, but he has regular contact with the F because he will always give them a room in his house when F members pass through. They're getting something from him. We used to stay with him too when we were in the F and were desparate for a place everytime we came from the field.
About adjusting to life in the real world and making friends, getting along with the people you work with, etc.: it definitely has not been easy for me either. And I've had the same thoughts, wondering if I've been too open & if I've shown my feelings too much etc. One thing that has helped is at work I've come into contact with people who have open, warm, expressive personalities, and eventhough they get people's attention I've noticed that no one is reacting as if they're weird, and the reserved people like the extroverts. So if I find myself feeling self conscious about whether I've shown my feelings too much, I realize that there's enough people in the "real" world that do the same and most people really like it.
It's funny that you posted this today. Just 2 nights ago my wife and I were invited to dinner at the house of one of the more wealthy people in our village. My wife works with the wife and they invited us out of a sincere desire to get to know us and to make us feel welcome in the community.
In the F we often visited the wealthy because we needed their support and we needed "kings". But what a big difference there was between the interaction I used to have as a F member with "friends, supporters & kings", and the interaction I had the other night.
I truly was able to be with and communicate on the same level as our hosts. But in the F, every single time I was with "supporters" and/or "friends", there was always this framework in my mind about how I was somehow more priveleged, blessed, knowledgeable; because of course we were "called and chosen to be the saviours of the world". So the people I was with were invariably in my mind spiritually inferior. "We're the ones with the keys, and these people I'm with are not as enlightened"... that state of mind.
For me, even though it's still confusing at times, and sometimes I feel uncomfortable and insecure, it is still a huge relief for me not to have that screwy mindset anymore that put me above everyone and anyone who was not a F member.
PS For the people we're getting to know and who are becoming new friends, when the question comes up about where we've lived and what did we do, we explain that the work we used to do was humanitarian aid work and we do not elaborate too much about it. If necessary we explain that we were trying to help in educational projects, and in some countries we distributed clothing and food, which is all true, so we don't feel like we are being deceiving; because it's not possible to say we were part of this cult called the Family and now we're trying to make new sensible lives for ourselves. I don't really know any one yet that I feel comfortable enough with to try to explain all that. That's why it's great to be able to talk about it here on the board.
