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In Reply to: To Mekka posted by JoJo on November 07, 2002 at 21:30:49:
When I tried contacting 'old friends' on the field I was in for years and I told them that I left and what I was doing - mind you - without coming on negative about what had happened to me in the Fam.- they never wrote back. I was so shocked, even though we were indoctrinated for years to ignore backsliders.
I think they must want s.th. from you or they would never 'risk' facing an ex-member and seeing them otherwise. They might just like what they see....and that might just give them something to think about....like leaving themselves (?) and who does not when you are 'in'? I've talked to some Fam. members since and they do have those 'little backdoor-thoughts' and what they would do if things got too much.
I also met some SGA's who are still in, whom I only met now thru a FM'er and had quite a few discussions with them. ( They think I am 'nice' for an ex-member, ha! and we let them stay or shower at our place and feed them sometimes) They are just so idealistic - I find it so heart-breaking to see them ...I could never be angry at them, even if they try to sell me something.
I also met a South-American lady who is in and wanted out and has no place to go. We spoke very openly about things.
To be honest - I cry when I think of some of the people I used to work with for years....I have terribly mixed feelings about things like - was it love? or just sex? or just abuse ? or was I fooling myself and others and do I actually know what love is - I mean, it gives me sleepless nights thinking about stuff like that...and I am out at work 12 hours a day..what a mess!! and how am I relating to others in the 'normal world' -ehm, do they think I am weird ? or too friendly? or too open showing my feelings? What experiences do you guys have along these lines?
