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In Reply to: Re: Here is more on what she said. (I would like to add...) posted by An SG on November 07, 2002 at 19:34:44:
I know this is very painful for you. And I know that (for what it is worth) it is very painful on you mom. I hope she can get out, the sooner the better. I was separated from my kids a lot when they were small. It hurt and was very painful as well. But to go against the family was to go against "God" as we were programmed, and on a more basic level, was the very real threat of losing the kids altogether. Had I not had all the things come together in one place at one time, I may not have made it out, but I probably would have cracked and been kicked out. My oldest son who was separated from me the most had a huge amount of rage and I had a huge amount of guilt. Some of the guilt was mine, but most was not. (regarding things he was expressing his anger towards me about.) I felt guilty for everything. What I had to apologize to him about the most was about what occurred after getting out of the family. I had no one to help, no drivers license, no "resume", no work experience, no references, no bank account. And I was an FGA! When I cried about being separated from my kids I was dealt with and threatened with never seeing them again. A very real threat, that COG/FOL/TF control. I would be told that my kids were coming to visit, but then the people bringing lit for our home to sell would have "forgotten to bring them", or would leave after only an hour when they were supposed to go back. I remember clearly my son hanging onto the stair-rail and screaming when they tore him from me. I couldn't stop them. I would have been separated from my kids and sent on the road (as did happen at another time) with an uncertainty if I would ever be reunited. I was dealt with in so many horrible ways as were many FGAs, and if you read some of the reprints of letters written in the era that we were young, you will see the way Berg threatened. I mean, If you were conditioned to believe that god could kill you or your kids for disobedience or doubt... And I relate to lots of work, limited sleep, quotas, being "dealt with", having to "share" or "FF" without wanting to. I can appreciate differences, and I think by us telling more of our individual stories rather than generalities, the picture will be sharpened for all. But I do believe that focusing on the difference and generalizing that FGAs chose to join a cult, well, I disagree. I thought I joined something good and honorable. Cults were not a known thing at the time. Cults as the world knows about today, were in their infancy. Few had the intimate access to Berg to know that he was not only a fallible human, but a very sick, twisted man who could not have had a conscience to manipulate people so and to wreak so much destruction. I hope the best for your family. It has to be hard. Very hard. I was lucky to get out with all kids.
