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In Reply to: Re: We were all victims of a manipulative and controlling posted by Sara on November 07, 2002 at 15:14:33:
I e-mailed a psychologist who seems to be respected in the SGA community regarding the way I see the division between FGA and SGA. This is the response I got:
"Thank you very much for bringing this issue to my attention!!!!
My short answer to your question of whether or not I see FGA's as perpetrators....no.(no bolded and underlined.)
Those who are sucked into an ultra-authority will act according to what the LEADERSHIP demands of them --they are not acting independently. Or in other words, they are not acting the same way in which they would have, had they been free of the manipulation.l Therefore, the anger of those who were bor in the group is misdirected. The real perpetrator is the leadership -- the real Leader, not those who seem (underlined seem) to be in leadership positions but still answer to the Leader.
It really can be a nasty dilema. While in a group or under the control of and ultra-authority, the target is often required to do things which are unsavory, unethical, and quite often downright illegal. (The Leader uses this as yet another hold on the targeted person.) But once you have left the ultra-authority, you are also left with the question, "How responsible was I for what I did? They told me to do it, but I was still the one who actually did ________(fill in the blank.)
Trying to make peace with yourself in such circumstances can be difficult enough in and of itself..
I can understand the anger of the ones born within the group, but I would also have to ask them to step back...take a look at the broader picture. The victimization did not start with the FGA's. The victimization started with the Leader. They themselves, by directing that anger at the older targets and atting the FGA's with it, perpetuate the same kind of emotional abuse that they have been hurt by themselves.
For myself, the answer has been to heal and help others heal. When you are still trying to point fingers, you are not healing. Blaming does not help anyone, and is in fact, in my experience, extremely counter-productive. When a person is still blaming, still searching for the person to blame, they are not working on their own internal issues, only attempting to externalize them.
My advice, for what it's worth *smile*, to both first and second (and further, since some ultra-authorities are much older) generation targets is to work to truly understand the dynamics of what happened to all of those involved. Through a real, solid understanding of what the FGA's were up against, I think many of the second-generation adults will see that they were just as much victims, if not more so. (The subtle manipulations are often even harder to heal from, since they are so much harder to spot, identify....they are also much harder to try and explain to a third party. And, as you have noted, it is much easier to excuse the perpetrator when the manipulations and coercion are on the much more subtle level.)
Thank you. Your questions have tapped a lot more information in my head. I see I have several more articles to add to the ultra-authority website :-) If there is anything more I can do for you..or if you would like me to explain anything I have said above better, please just ask.
Through Understanding Comes Strength"
