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In Reply to: Re: joining the "Family" posted by PBY on October 31, 2002 at 20:56:20:
I completely agree with you that men were victims as well as women. We were all subordinate to Berg.
Regarding the second point, I think this dialoguing is helpful. Sometimes we may be closer to the same ideas then realized when reading from one post to another. I don't believe that everything about a battered woman (or man's) situation is precisely the same, but many things are similar, imo, which I talked about in the last post.
Taking responsibility for my own life came (for me) after I realized I had choices, and then exercised them for myself. Maybe like a body that has been in a 9 month sleep study for NASA, bed bound, no exercise. When you get up and start walking, depending on the shape your body was in prior to the study, your problems and needs will be different, but everyone will need to build strength back up over a period of time. The first responsible step is to decide to get out of bed.
There was an interesting exercise that I did when in a course of study. We were a large class and had to pick someone that we did not know and then ask each other several questions. What was interesting to note is that there were many similarities in answers to self and/or someone previously close. The point was that people often seem to seek out what is familiar to them. So responsibility to me comes in the recovery from the family and other abuses phase, and maintaining that to the best of my ability. Not in shaming myself for where I spent my life.
But I also DO believe at some point after building some positive self-esteem, there is a place to build it more by looking back, and where I can see that I have hurt someone during my time in, regardless of what I was under the influence of, it is beneficial to approach, as able, the people or person I have harmed and apologize and do what I can to help whether they be adult, child at the time, if they want. I would hope for mercy, but that would be the perogative of the victim(s). A true perpetrator will never do this unless forced and only because forced, but not from their hearts.
That is where, when I have been hurt, if there is someone that is dead, unreachable or sociopathic and incapable, or whatever, that has hurt me, I am responsible to sort it out or seek help to do so if needed. Otherwise, it won't happen.
What do you think?
