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In Reply to: Re: joining the "Family" posted by goth88 on October 31, 2002 at 18:57:56:
I am not sure what to think of the chain of events as you described. I have found that I am sensitive to abuse but I was also that way when young and reacted rather violently to it. I don't think it has much to do with my upbringing because I grew up in a loving family. I didn't feel abused in the f but I saw their abusive behavior on others and that was a turn off. It was until I left when I realized that I had also been manipulated and used. What precipiatated my departure was when I realized that I was in a vulnerable position and that they didn't really cared. Interestingly, I was not aware of my real situation until later - much like the abused or battered man. Before you jump I do acknowledge that women are the majority of people in this category but being a man I use a more appropiate example for my gender, after all the problem is the same regardless of gender.
But going back to the point of joining the family I see it as a voluntary action even though we were being deceived. I also see that the deception persevered as we stayed in and was supported by the assistance of the many people who were in and reinforced those beliefs even when they might not have believed in them.
I am aware that it is only my opinion but I an abusive relationship between two people where there is an attachment (emotional, finacial, etc.) is not equivalent to joining the family. I am not convinced that the type of involvement is the same. I am convinced though that the battered party needs all the support possible but also needs a dose of reality which includes self examination to modify their behavior. If that is not in their path to recovery, recovery will not be at the end of that road.
