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In Reply to: Some thoughts on your food for thought posted by Donny on October 16, 2002 at 21:36:37:
Thanks Donny, for your comments. They are very supportive. I think opening up like this is helpful as there are so many things that happened or reactions we've had that we are so programmed not to talk about. I relate to so much about what was written here by others. I think I read your post before posting mine about the plane nightmares, and related soooo much, which is why I mentioned it again. I had those dreams probably anytime that I had doubts before leaving and for years after. So much catastrophic thinking has been imbedded. I also realize that I can get knowledge, and understand some things, but to start feeling them, and feeling them where they fit and should be, can feel crazy, but it is actually healthy versus being numbed out with episodes of depression and anxiety in between or underlying. I am glad that people are opening up about their feelings, just as they are without worrying about being politically correct. We always had to be that in the f. cult. One thing I will say in addition is that hindsight is 20:20. When I first got out, I was sure that I was wrong and bad for doing so, but had to get out because I felt like I was cracking... But later, looking back I see other things that motivated me on a more subconcious level. So, I also understand why some people stay in longer. I was fortunate to have things come together at one time including the vulnerability, to be able to leave. There were a number of times I would have left much sooner but was stuck either because there was no place to go, or for fear of losing the kids. I had three. Those with bigger families who had to leave some behind, I think that is akin to Sophies choice. Forced to make a decision and unable to do anything else. We are all battlewounded and scarred FGA, SGA, SG. All. That is why I do feel it is positive there is an SGA/SG site, their own territory, so to speak. I just won't discount anybody's abuse in the fam. cult, and whatever they had to do to get to a place where they were able to get out. Yes, I want to plant trees of hope, too. Thanks again Donny!
