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In Reply to: Re: hell I was naive too!! posted by tigress on October 17, 2002 at 04:17:21:
I can totally relate. The years we devoted to the fam whether 5, 10, 15, 20 or more were a critical part of our psychosocial development. Skipping any stage accounts for this feeling of perennially "missing something". This is complicated by the natural conflicts that arise as a result of our biological clocks ticking. So say for someone who is now in their 40's, this would be the period of great emotional upheaval, the mid-life crisis years when it becomes obvious that earlier dreams may not be attainable; feeling that there must be something else. How to cope? Reform and reprioritize goals so they are more consistent with reality. Now put that in the context of our common past. How do you regain those lost years? Only by acknowledging the loss. When I came face to face with that truth, I was devastated. I lost my "peak years", the prime of my life (I joined when I was 26, left at 35), my early adulthood period, the time of rooting, a particularly vulnerable stage for continuity. A time when meaningful relationships should have been formed (now you understand my failed intimacies?). It was only when I began to grieve the loss did I begin to heal. I allowed my feelings expression. ALL of them, the good, the bad and the ugly. They're all God-given. Like you, I still go thru much pain each time I pick up a newsbit revealing more ugliness. The key I've found is to be aware of my own feelings, and look at problems in terms of a certain loss. Then I go thru the mourning process each time. Grieving is healthy, don't be afraid of it. It is really the bridge that we need to cross in order to move on. And afterwards, to address the skipped life stage, I like to look at it this way: knowing what I do now, I can only face the challenges of the future with the knowledge that everything I've gone thru contributes to my personal growth, my understanding of myself, the uncovering of my new self-identity and the rediscovery of my God. I can't say I've already discovered my purpose in life (altho I do have my hopes and dreams), but this I know, I will find out, one day at a time. Did that make sense? I hope that helps. You can email me if you like, I put a link to my name.
