ML721 - The Girl Who Wouldn't

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This Mo letter was published in at least 2 versions:

full version
condensed version (as published by The Family of Love)

THE FULL VERSION
(as published by the COG/FOL/Family in 1978)

THE GIRL WHO
WOULDN’T!
A Lamentation on 1 Samuel 15! – Read it first! June 17, 1978.
Illustrated by Eman Artist.
(-- Edited by MO from Lori’s Letter of June 12, 1978:)
By Father David
MO - DO No. 721, pages 5578 – 5589

Dearest Dad, Maria and Timothy, We love you so much and wanted to share a lot with you. THE MOST SIGNIFICANT THING I WANTED TO SHARE with you was my relationship with Toni—how we see things so far. SINCE I CAME TO THIS AREA TO START WORKING WITH TONI, our communications have been excellent, quite deep, open and honest. THE ONLY THING THAT HAS MADE IT KIND OF DIFFICULT IS THAT WE NEVER GOT TOGETHER PHYSICALLY. I really love Toni, but can quite respect the fact that she’s just not inclined to make love with another girl, although at times it really wasn’t easy. I THOUGHT, WITH A BIT OF TIME, SHE MIGHT WANT TO CHANGE, BUT SHE DIDN’T. I needed someone as a mate and helper, a real sample of sharing, not as two singe girls. TONI HAS CONVICTIONS, love and strength, and Family Services sparks her fire!! She could be a real help in childcare. – Lori. (Dad: How?-if she HERSELF is UNYIELDED and DISOBEDIENT!) Love Always in the Wild Wind of David.--Lori

“THE GIRL WHO WOULDN’T!”
- By Father David, DO - No 721
(Edited by MO from Toni’s Letter of June 12, 1978:)

Dearest Dad, Maria and Timothy,

GOD BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU STRONG and healthy in Jesus Precious name! I love you so much and can honestly say I’ve never felt closer to all of you than in the last four months I've spent helping Lori after her visit with you. I’m not the most radical person in the world, but I’ve sure gotten my bottle broken several times lately! Ha! (Dad:-- Wish you had!) But I love it and really need it.
LORI AND I ARE BOTH WRITING YOU ABOUT A FEW THINGS IN OUR PERSONAL LIVES that we wanted to share with you for your counsel. I’m afraid I’ve failed Lori in a lot of ways by not being able to be her mate, which she so desperately needs. I love and respect Lori with all (Dad: ?) my heart, but I just don’t seem to be able to flow with being mated to another girl.
I KNOW WHATEVER IS DONE IN LOVE IS FROM THE LORD AND I SEE NOTHING WRONG AT ALL ABOUT GIRLS BEING MATED, but as for myself personally I don’t seem to be able to do it..(Dad: Why not? I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me!—Phil. 4:13.)
I’VE GONE THROUGH IT SO MUCH THINKING HOW SELFISH AND WITHHOLDING I MUST BE and maybe I am. Please tell me if you think I am. (Dad: Amen!—You are!) But most of all I just want to be obedient to God’s will. (Dad: So why weren’t you when it was needed?)
WE’VE NEVER EVEN GOTTEN TOGETHER PHYSICALLY, because I didn’t have the faith for that. (Dad: Why not?—It’s in the Letters!) LORI’S AND MY WORKING RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN REALLY FRUITFUL and I love being in a position to help the families and pioneers.
BUT I JUST DON’T SEEM TO FIT IN TO THIS PARTICULAR POSITION. (Dad: Why not? So sad! What an opportunity you had!) Family Care and FFing seem to be the areas where I can burn free the most and bear the most fruit for the Lord. (Dad: How can you when you yourself are unyielded and disobedient?)
I’D LIKE TO GO TO ONE OF THE PIONEER FIELDS and just wait on the Lord for a specific direction. (Dad: ! – What more could you have had than Lori’s choice and our personal appointment?!) We really want to stay in the Lord’s perfect will. (Dad: You were! – But unwilling to yield 100%! So sorry! We’re all disappointed! – Love, Dad 19/6.) Much, much love in Jesus, -- Toni.

THANK YOU BOTH FOR YOUR LETTERS and for the wonderful job you folks are doing out there! God bless you! We don’t worry about your area, but we pray for you and it, and rest assured in the Lord that it’s going to be all right because we know that you are women of faith in action and spirit-led, with a lot of love and compassion for the kids and real concern for the flock and the work.
SO WE KNOW WHATEVER YOU DO, YOU’LL DO YOUR BEST AND WELL. So we feel a great peace about your area because we know it’s in good hands, yours and the Lord’s, PTL!
ON THE OTHER HAND, WE’RE GREATLY DISAPPOINTED IN TONI, sorry to say, that she could have withheld herself from you when you had need, as she was your travelling mate. She withheld herself from her sister in need when she “had it by her”. (Pr. 3:27-28.)
SHE SHOULD HAVE SUPPLIED THE LOVE AND AFFECTION AND THE SEX YOU NEEDED, but she denied it selfishly, independently, willfully, in spite of all our Letters on love and sharing and mutual supplying of each other’s needs.
AS FAR AS WE ARE CONCERNED, SHE IS WITHOUT EXCUSE, and we’re both highly disappointed in her that she denied herself to you, even if she didn’t like it, even if she didn’t particularly care for it herself. Of course having never tried it, I don’t see how she could make any judgement on whether she liked it or not!
SHE NEVER EVEN GAVE IT A CHANCE, NEVER EVEN GAVE YOU A TRIAL, NOT ONCE! – Which is, as far as Maria and I are concerned, in total defiance of the Letters, no matter how much she says she believes in them and it’s okay for others and she knows it’s all right, but just not for her.
THIS IS EXACTLY THE SAME EXCUSE THAT MANY LEADERS GAVE FOR NOT FF-ING AND OTHER THINGS: “Well, it’s all right for Dad and Maria and others, but it’s not for us!” My mother used to say,
“DON’T TELL ME YOU BELIEVE IN SOMETHING IF YOU’RE NOT DOING IT! You believe in prayer as much as you pray and you believe in witnessing as much as you witness!” So I say, you believe in FFing as much as you FF, you believe in sex as much as you do it, and you believe in love as much as you love!
A LOT OF THE TIME I DON’T EVEN WANT TO or like it or enjoy it because I’m tired, and had enough, etc. Sometimes it’s even with people whom I’m not even naturally very fond of or that I’m really not very crazy about their personality or their type or their shape or their manner etc.
BUT I DO IT IN LOVE, SACRIFICIALLY, JUST TO MAKE THEM HAPY because I love them and know they need it and they want it and it makes them happy, even when I don’t need it and I don’t want it and I don’t get a damn thing out of it except giving them pleasure! So it’s not always exactly the most pleasant task in the world, but I do enjoy it because I know she enjoys it.
I MADE A GIRL HAPPY LAST NIGHT WITH A TREMENDOUS ORGASM! She vibrated, she pulsated, she undulated, she gasped and she groaned and moaned with ecstasy, and I enjoyed every moment of it because I had an empathetic vicarious enjoyment of it all by proxy, in a sense. I could almost feel it myself—because she was so excited, it even made me excited!
(MARIA: AND EVEN IF BEFORE HAND YOU WERE TIRED, even if like some of our FFers with some “beasts”, you might sometimes be revolted and repulsed by the idea, but when you do it, the Lord gives you the grace and the love and the “want to”.) Yes! –
WHEN I GET INTO IT AND OBEY AND DO MY PART, THEN I REALLY ENJOY IT, and I really made her feel good! I got more excited masturbating and goosing her than when she was trying to masturbate me, trying to jack me up, at which she totally failed and was totally unsuccessful because she didn’t have her mind on it, heart on it or sometimes even her hand on it!
SO, I MUST CONFESS, A LOT OF IT I DO QUITE SACRIFICIALLY JUST FOR THEIR PLEASURE. – But I enjoy it! I think I can say like David Livingstone, “I never made a sacrifice”, because the Lord gives me a vicarious pleasure out of it. I enjoy it because they enjoy it. Like the old song,
“I’M HAPPY IF YOU’RE HAPPY, ‘CUZ THAT MAKES ME HAPPY TOO!” So, if they’re happy, that makes me happy, it gives me joy and happiness and pleasure to make others happy and give them joy and pleasure, even if it’s a sacrifice, even if I’m tired, which I have often been, and didn’t want to do a thing and would rather have gone to sleep.
BUT SOME GIRL CAME IN AND WAS EXPECTING IT OF ME, and would have been greatly disappointed if she didn’t get her little turn with me. So I mustered up the guts and the courage and the strength the best I could and asked the Lord for help to deliver her, and she was delivered and happy, and I sent her away satisfied, content, fulfilled—and exhausted! So, I’m sorry:
I’M A HUNDRED-PERCENTER, I CAN’T STAND COMPROMISERS, I CAN’T STAND HALF-HEARTED PEOPLE! I can’t stand selfish people, I can’t stand people who claim they believe in something but don’t practice it, who claim they agree with you but they don’t do it, they don’t obey! I just can’t stand people like that. I’m sorry. They rub me the wrong way and get my goat worse than honest sinners!
TO ME THEY ARE HYPOCRITES, ALMOST LIARS! Don’t tell me you believe in something if you don’t do it, don’t practice it, don’t obey and don’t share! It just makes me furious to think that you two were on the road together all that time and probably slept in the same bed for convenience and economy and yet she had the nerve to withhold herself from you and be that selfish, self-righteous, hard, cold and cruel!
IF SHE’D DONE THAT TO ME JUST ONE NIGHT, I WOULD HAVE THROWN HER OUT! Frankly, I’m amazed at your patience and long-suffering in putting up with her this long! That’s how I feel!
I AM A RADICAL EXTREMIST and maybe sometimes too hard on people. But usually I’m too easy on people, and I’ll suffer a long time and be patient and try to give them a chance, give them time. Even when I first heard about this, though I was kind of surprised and a little disappointed, I gave it time, I thought it over, prayed about it.
BUT THE MORE I THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND THE MORE WE DISCUSSED IT, THE MADDER I GOT! – To think that she could be so damn selfish as to be your travelling companion and yet never once help you out sexually! I mean, that’s totally against everything we have taught and written—totally!
AS FAR AS I’M CONCERNED, SHE DOESN’T BELIEVE WHAT I WRITE BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T OBEY WHAT I WRITE! She has withheld herself selfishly and independently from you. I don’t care how beautiful she is or how wonderful or how intelligent or how good she is with kids and blah, blah, blah! If she treated you like that, that just makes me absolutely furious and disgusted! I just can’t understand it. I don’t agree with it and I certainly don’t approve of it!
EVEN IF IT RUBBED HER THE WRONG WAY AND SHE DIDN’T LIKE IT AT ALL, SHE SHOULD HAVE GRITTED HER TEETH AND BORNE IT, just like any husband or any wife or any mate or any FFer has to do sometimes, even if she hated it! She should have done it just for your sake and out of love, compassion, sacrifice, unselfishness and sharing! (Maria: Because “the love of Christ constrained” her. – 2 Cor. 5:14.) – Absolutely!
(MARIA: AND I THINK THE LORD WOULD HAVE GIVEN HER THE LOVE THEN, that’s what usually happens. “As they went they were healed”. – Lk. 17:14.) Yes, she could have tried it at least one time! How does she know she doesn’t like it if she never had any? How could she have been so hard, stubborn and rebellious!
IT REMINDS ME OF SOME OF OUR SELFISH SISTERS IN THE FAMILY WHO HAVE GONE ALL THESE YEARS WITHOUT HELPING ONE SINGLE BROTHER, not giving one of them a tumble, not once! How selfish can they get? (Maria: They say they don’t have the faith for it.) Ha! There’s no excuse for not having the faith for anything! “Faith cometh by hearing the Word!! (Rom. 10:17.) – Read it!
THE WORD WILL GIVE YOU FAITH FOR IT! The only reason the Word and reading the Word doesn’t give you the faith for it is because you have rejected the Word and you refused to receive it, and therefore you refuse to believe it or obey it! (Maria: Yes! Samuel said to Saul,
(“BECAUSE THOU HAST REJECTED THE WORD OF THE LORD, THE LORD HATH REJECTED THEE!” 1 Sam.15:26) Exactly! “For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubborness is an iniquity and idolatry!” (1 Sam.15:23.) “Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams!” (Vs.22.) They are both just as bad, witchcraft and idolatry or rebellion and stubbornness!
SHE MUST BE A SELF-WORSHIPPER, a pride-worshipper! She doesn’t care that much about other people. Here you were, as desperately as you needed help, and she didn’t even care enough to help you herself when she had it right there! (James 2:15-17.)
SHE SELFISHLY SAID SHE BELIEVED IT WAS OKAY, BUT IT WASN’T FOR HER! – But what about you? – If it was okay and needed for you, she should have obeyed and sacrificed a little. She “had it by her”. She had a sister in need, and that Scripture is as plain as day on it, that if “thou hast it by thee” and don’t give it, and all you say is “be thou warmed and fed”—you’re saying, “Let somebody else warm and feed you, I’m not going to do it!”
IT JUST MAKES ME ABSOLUTELY SICK AND DISGUSTED! She may be sweet as can be and love the Lord, but if she’s that selfish and independent and unsacrificial and disobedient and rebellious and stubborn, Whew!-- Don’t tell me she believes the Letters!
YOU BELIEVE THE LETTERS AS MUCH AS YOU PRACTICE THEM! You believe God’s Word as much as you do it!—My words too! That’s why we had another RNR revolution in the Family and got rid of all those leaders who claimed, “Oh well, I believe it, and it’s all right for others, but it’s not for me.”—We’ve now replaced those disobedient leaders!
I DON’T LIKE HALF-HEARTED PEOPLE! I don’t like selfish independent people, who are not willing to sacrifice and to share and lay down their lives and their bodies for others, like I wrote in “You Are The Love of God!”
THAT WAS NOT THE LOVE OF GOD FOR HER TO DENY YOU AND WITHHOLD HERSELF FROM YOU IN THE VERY SAME BED! – To deny your need, even your pleasure, was not the love of God! That was Devilish selfishness and pride, which is of the Devil!—And her argument that making love only one time makes you a permanent mate, that’s ridiculous!
THERE’S NOTHING PERMANENT WITH US EXCEPT GOD AND HIS LOVE AND THE FAMILY! We are all married to the Lord. We are married to the Family! We are all married to each other, and no one mate has to be permanent! Nothing has to be permanent except the Lord! Only He changes not. (Mal.3:6.)
BUT WE CHANGE PLENTY!—AND WE CHANGE ACCORDING TO NEED, according to the individual case or what’s good for the Family, what’s good for the Lord’s work. “I became all things to all men that I might win some!” (1 Cor.9:22.)
LOOK HOW MUCH GOOD SHE COULD HAVE DONE THE LORD’S WORK BY BEING GOOD TO YOU, THE LORD’S WORKER! Don’t tell me you’re good for His work if you’re not good for his workers. I’m sorry.
THE FIRST TIME I EVER SAW HER PICTURE, I HAD RESERVATIONS ABOUT HER. She has a selfish mouth. I thought that when I first looked at her. Then I heard she’s been an FFer. I wonder how far her FFing went—if it went to the bed? I don’t know.
BUT SHE STILL DIDN’T GO FAR ENOUGH if she would deny to her own sister what she would give to a stranger, someone who perhaps wasn’t even saved or even a member of the Family! I just don’t like people like that. I love her in the Lord. I’m sorry for her, I pity her, but she’s going to have a hard time in this Family if she’s going to continue being that selfish! How much has she had sex with the brethren or the sisters or her fish?
SHE SOUNDS LIKE A TYPICAL SELFISH, SELF-CENTERED SCORPIO! Many of the Scorpios I know are about as selfish and as independent as they come! They don’t even like to get married! They don’t like to have any obligations to anybody but themselves.
THEY’RE USUALLY VERY SELFISH, INDEPENDENT, strong-willed, bull-headed, stubborn, willful and rebellious! We had a lot of trouble with somebody like that in Tenerife—a Scorpio girl too!
IT TOOK A LONG TIME FOR GOD TO BREAK DOWN HER SELFISH, STUBBORN, INDEPENDENT WILL. But He finally did, and she’s finally becoming submissive and tolerant and more unselfish, more loving, more kind, sympathetic, pitying and compassionate, less self-centered and less stuck on herself.
NOW, DON’T TELL ME PEOPLE LIKE THAT ARE WONDERFUL FOR THIS, THAT OR THE OTHER JOB, if they haven’t got enough love to sacrifice and share with anybody! Maria has been sorely in need of somebody to help Sara and Davidito in our Family here and we had definitely even considered having Toni come to be with us.
BUT HOW IS SHE GOING TO TEACH CHILDREN to share and be sacrificial and unselfish with each other or even teach them sex if she is going to withhold herself like that from her own sister and her own Family? Anybody who would withhold herself from you probably would withhold herself from anybody she just didn’t like!—Me and no telling how many others! I’m sorry.
SHE MAY BE BEAUTIFUL, she may be wonderful, she may be sweet, she may be gorgeous, she may even think she’s sexy!
BUT I WOULD RATHER HAVE A SIMPLE LITTLE GIRL WHO PUTS EVERYTHING SHE’S GOT INTO IT and will do it for anybody anytime anywhere because of love and with wholeheartedness, even sacrificially. I like someone who is whole-hearted, unreserved, without reservations.
TONI’S GOT TOO MANY SELFISH RESERVATIONS. If she’s even got one selfish reservation, that’s too many! She’s not wholehearted. She’s not 100%. She’s holding back in that one thing.
“THE LORD PARDON THY SERVANT IN THIS ONE THING”. (2 Kg.5:18.)—And you never hear of Naaman again then! Now, if I had gotten a report from you that she had tried, done her best, but she really didn’t particularly like it and it wasn’t suitable for her, but at least she sacrificed and tried even against her own natural tendencies and inclinations, then I might have been interested, and given her another chance, even with us!
BUT I DON’T CARE FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE THAT SELFISH! – That’s just absolutely beyond my comprehension!—How could she be so hard and so stubborn and have such resistance? ! You surely must have tried to persuade her sometime or suggest it or something, and yet she refused!
SO NOW SHE WANTS SOME PLACE ELSE TO WORK instead of with you, because she doesn’t want to do that. Just think, what a chance, what an opportunity God gave her, the greatest job she ever had! She’s had the most marvellous opportunity in the world to show her love and compassion for the mothers and the children!
WHAT JOB COULD SHE HAVE WHERE SHE COULD HAVE MORE POWER TO BE A HELP AND A BLESSING than to be free and able to go around and visit them and see who needs help and what to do? God highly exalted her when she was nobody, nothing, and yet she’s failed because she muffed it in this one little thing! She doesn’t want that much responsibility. She doesn’t want that big a job.
SHE WANTS TO GO BACK NOW AND BURY HERSELF AND HER TALENTS SELFISHLY IN SOME LITTLE HOLE, some little school, some little Childcare center, so she doesn’t have to put forth so much effort.
TOP LEADERSHIP IS A HEAVY BURDEN. Queen Elisabeth I said, “The crown is never so heavy as to him who wears it!” I’ve felt many a time like the poet Robert Burns, who, at the big banquet given in his honour toasting his worldwide fame for his poetry, was scribbling on a piece of paper under the table his poem,
“OH, THAT I WERE BACK WITH THE WEE SMALL DAISY!” That’s probably what every great man feels, every public personality, public servant, politician, world leader, prophet, priest and king! A lot of times we wish we were “back with the wee small daisy” in obscurity, unknown. But fame, notoriety, criticism, enemies, little privacy or selfish living, no public freedom and often exile and loneliness—these are usually the cost of top leadership!
SHE HAD ONE OF THE GREATEST OPPORTUNITIES OF SERVICE ANYONE IN THIS FAMILY HAS EVER HAD, but she failed because she failed you, Lori!—In this one little seemingly small thing! And that’s very sad: When God gives someone such a great opportunity and a chance to be such a great blessing, and then they look back and turn around and even run away and leave their plough or job deserted in the field and desert their post!
I GUESS SHE JUST WASN’T BIG ENOUGH FOR THE TASK—OR MAYBE SHE WASN’T LITTLE ENOUGH! The Lord says, “When thou was little in thine own sight”, He did highly exalt thee! (1 Sam.15:17.) But when Saul became proud and depending on himself and leaning on his own wisdom and his own arm of flesh instead of the Lord, the Lord had to abase him!
WE’RE DISAPPOINTED IN HER, and I don’t think much of people like that. They’re a disappointment to God, like Saul was. When the acid test really comes they just can’t give their all, they can’t really be a 100%er, can’t forsake all and go all the way and die daily and mortify the flesh and give their all for Him.
SORRY, BUT THAT’S THE WAY WE FEEL ABOUT IT. Before this reaction, Maria had been contending, “Well, maybe if we gave her a chance here with us, maybe if we brought her here and we put her under our influence, maybe she would learn more about love, and maybe that would change her. It’s helped others, maybe it would help her.” I don’t agree.
IF SHE WOULDN’T YIELD TO YOU WHEN YOU’RE REPRESENTING US, HOW COULD SHE YIELD TO US PERSONALLY? How can she say, “I love and respect Lori with all (?) my heart” when she’s unwilling to give you her body too! Don’t tell me you can give your heart without giving your body! Ridiculous!
THAT’S JUST LIKE A LOT OF CHURCH PEOPLE who claim they have given their hearts to Jesus, but then live with their bodies and hearts 6 ½ days a week totally selfishly for themselves and their own families and own desires, and have not given their bodies nor their homes nor anything else to the Lord! So it’s hard for me to even believe they have given their hearts!
YOU DON’T GIVE YOUR HEART UNLESS YOU GIVE IT WHOLE-HEARTEDLY, 100%, AND YOUR BODY AND YOUR ALL! I don’t believe in half-hearted Christians! The Lord said, “Ephraim is a half-baked cake!”—that therefore He was going to spit him up. (Hos.7:8.) Did you ever eat a cake that was only half-baked, partly uncooked and raw?—It’s pretty sickening!
JUST THINK WHAT SHE COULD HAVE DONE, what she could have been and what a great blessing she could have been! But instead of the better thing, she chose the lesser things!—Just because she didn’t want to do one little thing, make one little sacrifice, one little momentary physical self-denial, surrendering her mere flesh for a moment!
SOME PEOPLE WON’T EVEN TRY!—THEY WON’T EVEN GIVE IT A CHANCE! Just like my little boy Jonathan, the first time I offered him some new vegetable he had never seen or eaten before, he said, “I don’t like it!” I said, “How do you know you don’t like it?” He said, “Because I never had any before!”
HOW DOES SHE KNOW SHE DOESN’T LIKE IT?—SHE NEVER HAD ANY! She should have tried it.—She might have liked it! But anybody who’s so damn stubborn and so willful and selfish and proud that she wasn’t even willing to try, not even once, that’s almost unbelievable! Anybody that could be that hard and that tough and have that much resistance to the Spirit of God and your love must be a pretty hard character!
I DON’T THINK THAT I EVEN CARE TO HAVE HER TEACHING MY CHILDREN! What could she teach them?—Selfishness, stubbornness, willfulness, rebellion, disobedience and half-heartedness?
LET ME TELL YOU, YOU TEACH KIDS WHAT YOU ARE, and they know what you are in nothing flat! You very soon show them by your attitude and your actions, which speak much louder than your words! You can’t tell them, “Well, I believe in it and it’s okay for others, but it’s not for me”, when they know you don’t believe it, you don’t receive it and you’re not obedient to it because you don’t do it!
SEX WAS SOMETHING YOU, LORI, NEEDED AND SHE SHOULD HAVE SUPPLIED IT! I’m very disappointed, to say the least, and wroth with her, to say the most! I can’t stand people who are not willing to put forth a little effort to be sacrificial and to at least try to help people, at least try to supply their need, at least try to be a little sacrificial and try to make others happy the best they can!
YOU CAN KEEP HER IN YOUR AREA as far as we are concerned, or use her wherever you want to send her. But I wouldn’t care for her to be in my field or my area myself—anybody that selfish and stubborn, that proud! – And I certainly wouldn’t want her teaching my children! – What could she teach them?—Unless she repents!
SHE’S BOUND TO HAVE SOME KIND OF UNBELIEF OR CONVICTION OR FEAR OR FETTISH OR TABOO AGAINST THAT KIND OF SEX or she would at least have tried it! I certainly wouldn’t want her here teaching Davidito!—What could she teach?
DEAR SARA HIS FOSTER MOTHER, TEACHER AND LOVER IS WILLING TO DO ANYTHING, sacrifice anything, give her all, give everything, whether it be to Davidito or to me or the fish or the Lord or the Family or the brothers or the sisters or whatever! She is a shining example of real genuine 100% love, the 100% whole-hearted genuine love of God! She is the love of God!
BUT I DON’T CONSIDER THAT TONI’S SELFISHNESS WITH YOU WAS THE LOVE OF GOD! It was not the love of God that she denied you your due and what she owed you in love! “Owe no man anything save to love him”! (Rom.13:8.) She owed you that love, but she denied it to you and she refused it, rejected it, withheld herself from you selfishly, when she had it by her and she could have easily supplied it at no cost!
I’M A 100% WHOLE-HEARTED FORSAKE-ALLER! With me it’s all or nothing at all, a lot like Paul the Apostle. He couldn’t stand people who were half-hearted or turned back!—Neither could Jesus, neither can God! They make Him sick! “My soul abhoreth him that turneth back.” (Heb.10:38.)
SHE LITERALLY TURNED HER BACK ON YOU WHEN SHE REFUSED YOU SEX! Therefore she doesn’t deserve you! She could have had a wonderful mate in you and been wonderfully useful to the Lord, but she didn’t have enough love and she wasn’t sacrificial enough and she was too selfish, too proud! I doubt if she’d even make a good wife for a man!
SO I DON’T KNOW WHERE THE LORD CAN USE HER NOW.—That’s up to Him and to her.—Not us! May she pray that if God be so merciful He will give her forgiveness and another chance somewhere, like Simon the magician! (Acts 8.)
GOD BLESS YOU, LORI!—NOW YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU!—I’d be glad to sock it to you! Hallelujah! Kiss, kiss, kiss! Bam! Bam! Bam! Praise the Lord! God bless you and keep you and continue to make you a great blessing and make whoever the Lord brings your way a great blessing to you!
WE LOVE YOU WITH ALL OUR HEARTS and we thank you for your faithful, loyal, sacrificial service to us, the Lord and so many others. It’s just too bad your helpmeet and companion could not have been as sacrificial, loyal, loving, kind, faithful and as sexy as you are! AS FAR AS WE’RE CONCERNED, SHE HAS FAILED THE TEST!—She’s failed you, she’s failed the Lord, she’s failed us, she’s failed the Family. I don’t know where she’s going to succeed, but that will be up to her own degree of honest Holy Ghost conviction for her sins, and whether she ever sees how wrong and selfish she was and repents.
I WOULDN’T BE SURPRISED IF THE LORD WOULD NEVER LET HER DO ANYTHING MORE VERY IMPORTANT UNTIL SHE GOES RIGHT BACK TO THE BED OF SEX WITH YOU WHERE SHE LEFT HIS PERFECT WILL! “Inasmuch as ye have not done it unto the least of these my brethren (or sistern!), ye have not done it unto Me”! (Mt.25:45.) When she refused you, she refused the Lord! She did it not to Jesus! She rejected His love and rejected Him, refused Him, spurned Him, was selfish with Him, refused to supply His need when she refused to supply yours!
TONI REMINDS ME OF SOME OF THOSE “BUTT-ERS”!: -- She’d love to work with you, but! Or she likes the job, but!…”Well, I know it’s a great opportunity, but!… I know it’s OK and I believe in it and all, but!” God gives her one of the greatest opportunities in the world, but, she’d feel more fulfilled in something else!
MY GOD, HOW COULD SHE FEEL MORE FULFILLED IN ANY OTHER JOB, any lesser job than this one in which she can minister to the whole area, all the Homes, and help everybody! She wants to settle down in some nice little Home, probably with some nice little nobody hubby, and thinks she’s going to be satisfied!
WELL, SHE’S GONNA LOOK BACK AT GOD’S HIGHEST PERFECT WILL AND JOB ONE OF THESE DAYS AND BE THE SORRIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD AND REALISE HOW SHE WAS A GIRL WHO FAILED GOD BY FAILING YOU!—Like Saul, the man who failed God! (1 Sam.15.)—A man who was such a disappointment to God that he had to be thrown on God’s scrap heap, put on the shelf, because he refused to do God’s perfect will!
SO MANY HAVE DONE THAT, IT’S PITIFUL! She failed in one of the greatest jobs God ever gave her to do, so where is she going to fit now when she’s such a failure!
IN THIS ONE “LITTLE” THING SHE FAILED GOD AND YOU AND US AND THE FAMILY! But she never realised how important it was and what a big thing it was, that God was testing her to see if she was willing to give her all, but she wasn’t!—So she failed!
HOW COULD SHE HELP CHILDREN? How could she help a school? How could she help a Childcare Center? How could she help?—When she’s so selfish, so rebellious and so stubborn and disobedient and unwilling to share?
SHE PROBABLY THOUGHT IT WASN’T ALL THAT IMPORTANT. She probably thought it was just a small thing and that she didn’t have to do it. But God required it of her and it was very important in His eyes, and when she refused you, she refused Him!
I’M SORRY, BUT I WOULDN’T CARE TO HAVE HER ON MY TEAM! We’ve gotten somebody like that once in a while, but they panned out. We always had to get rid of them sooner or later, people who were stubborn, rebellious, willful and selfish—even disrespectful and almost insolent, even defying us to our face! So we had to get rid of them.
I CAN THINK OF ONE BOY RIGHT NOW, the former husband of one of our faithful personal staff who just went from bad to worse. He got insolent and impudent with me and disrespectful, unloving, unkind, critical, doubtful, making it hard on his wife, making it very difficult for her to do the Lord’s work and serve Him and us properly.
HE BECAME MORE OF A BURDEN, MORE OF A HANDICAP, MORE OF A HINDERANCE THAN A HELP—one of Alexander the Evil Magician’s test friends and one of Jeth’s friends! So, I finally had to tell her, “I’m sorry, Honey, but you’re going to have to choose.
“I JUST CAN’T STAND THIS MAN ANY LONGER! I just can’t stand his disrespect and his insolence and his impudent and critical spirit and murmuring! He’s gotta go! If you want to go with him, OK, that’s up to you. But I can’t stand him here!”
I DON’T LIKE PEOPLE AROUND ME WHO DON’T LOVE ME and don’t respect me and who don’t have faith in me and confidence in me and don’t really like to work for me. They’re the kind who say, “well, I don’t like it, I think you’re wrong, but you’re the boss!”
I LIKE PEOPLE AROUND ME WHO HAVE LOVE AND CONFIDENCE AND FAITH IN ME AND BELIEVE WHAT I SAY and try to do it my way when I try to teach them and show them. But the independent, rebellious, stubborn and willful, oh!—He was a case! She was so relieved when he left!—And of course he was the same even where we sent him next in a lesser place in the hope that maybe he could handle that.
HE WAS NOTHING BUT A PROBLEM AND A TROUBLE-MAKER, the same belly-acher with the same critical spirit, the same lack of respect, the same doubter, and continued to spread his evil doubts and fears and criticism and disrespect of me and the Letters everywhere he went, even causing others to stumble.
AND YOU KNOW WHERE HE IS TODAY? Well, he went the way of all backsliders and doubters and critics: He backslid all the way home to the U.S., and now he’s working in a secular job, completely gone back all the way!
PEOPLE DON’T REALISE, IF THEY HOLD ONE LITTLE THING BACK FROM THE LORD (he was insanely jealous of his wife!), one little compromise, one little tiny thing from the Lord, they’re on their way to backsliding! Because one little disobedience leads to another, one little refusal and denial leads to another, one bit of selfishness leads to more.
ONE LITTLE BIT OF REFUSING TO SHARE AND REFUSING TO GIVE ALL, REFUSING TO FORSAKE ALL AND SACRIFICE ALL LEADS TO MORE! That’s just the Devil’s little wedge, the camel’s nose that starts to get in, and the Devil uses it and gets in, and if they don’t really repent and stop, they eventually go all the way back!
MAY GOD HELP HER TO SEE THE SERIOUSNESS OF HER SELFISHNESS AND WHAT IT HAS COST HER! May He help her repent and find forgiveness, although even then sometimes He doesn’t give us the same opportunity again.
“SOME OPPORTUNITIES KNOCK BUT ONCE!” – And then are gone forever! Esau sold his birthright for a mess of pottage, but then when he was sorry and wanted it back, “he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears”! (Heb.12:17.) May God have mercy on her!
THE NIGHTS SHE TURNED HER BACK ON YOUR NEED FOR NOTHING BUT A LITTLE SEX, SHE PROBABLY DIDN’T EVEN THINK IT WAS VERY IMPORTANT! But “God turns the wheels of His Universe on very small things!” It may have seemed very unimportant to her, but very important to you and the Lord!—And God is now holding her accountable for it, requiring this one talent of her, weighing her in the balance, but she is found wanting! (Dan.5:27.) (Prophecy:)
“THEREFORE IS HER KINGDOM RENT FROM HER AND GIVEN TO ANOTHER!”—May God have mercy on her and many like her!—Are you one who thinks your one little talent is not important and you can bury it and God will not hold you accountable nor blame you?
(PROPHECY) : “BEWARE LEST A WORSE THING BEFALL THEE!” God help you to truly believe, receive and obey and do it yourself!—Not put it off on another! – In Jesus name and for His sake and His own and others!—Amen?
GBY AND HELP YOU TO HEED AND OBEY AS WELL AS HEAR AND AGREE! “Faith without works is dead!” (Ja.2:26.)—Is yours dead? –Or do you obey the Letters? (Prophecy) : “Beware lest thou be found to fight against God!” (Acts 5:30.)
P.S. GOOD NEWS! The Lord has given dear Lori a sexy little new Japanese partner!—Yasuko!—Genuine nationalisation!—One of the best of our nationalist disciples, a leader of the Japanese work! PTL! He never fails!—Amen?—If you obey!—God help you!

THE CONDENSED VERSION
(as published by the COG/FOL/Famly)

The Girl Who Wouldn't
DO 721 17/6/78

SHE WITHHELD HERSELF FROM HER SISTER IN NEED WHEN SHE "HAD IT BY HER". (Pr.3:27,28.) She should have supplied the love & affection & sex you needed, but she denied it selfishly, independently, willfully, in spite of all our letters on Love & sharing & mutual supplying of each other's needs. My mother used to say,
"Don't tell me you believe in something if you're not doing it! You believe in prayer as much as you pray & you believe in witnessing as much as you witness!" So I say you believe in FFing as much as you FF, you believe in sex as much as you do it, and you believe in love as much as you love!
A lot of the time I don't even want to or like it or enjoy it, but I do it in love, sacrificially, just to make them happy because I love them & know they need it & they want it & it makes them happy, even when I don't need it & I don't get a thing out of it except giving them pleasure!
I'M A HUNDRED-PERCENTER! I CAN'T STAND COMPROMISERS! I CAN'T STAND HALF-HEARTED PEOPLE! I can't stand selfish people. I can't stand people who claim they believe in something but don't practice it, who claim they agree with you but don't do it, don't obey! I just can't stand people like that. I'm sorry. They rub me the wrong way & they get my goat worse than honest sinners!
To me they are hypocrites, almost liars! Don't tell me you believe in something if you don't do it, don't practice it, don't obey & don't share! It makes me furious to think that you two were on the road together all that time & probably slept in the same bed for convenience & economy, & yet she had the nerve to withhold herself from you & be that selfish, self-righteous, hard, cold & cruel!
Even if it rubbed her the wrong way & she didn't like it at all, she should have gritted her teeth & borne it, just like any husband or wife or any mate or any FFer has to do sometimes, even if she hated it! She should have done it just foe your sake & out of love, compassion, sacrifice, unselfishness & sharing! (Maria: Because "the Love of Christ constraineth" her --2 Cor 5:14.) Absolutely!
(Maria: And I think the Lord would have given her the love then, that's what usually happens. "As they went they were healed".--Lk. 7:14.) There's no excuse for not having faith for anything! "Faith cometh by hearing the Word!" (Rom. 10:17)--Read it! The Word will give you faith for it! The only reason the Word & reading the Word doesn't give you the faith for it is because you have rejected the Word & refused to receive it, & therefore you refuse to believe it or obey it! (Maria: Yes! Samuel said to Saul,
("BECAUSE THOU HAST REJECTED THE WORD OF THE LORD, THE LORD HATH REJECTED THEE!")--Exactly!--"For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, & stubbornness is as iniquity & idolatry! Behold to obey is better than sacrifice & to hearken than the fat of rams!" (I Sam 15:26, 23:22.) They are both just as bad: Witchcraft & idolatry or rebellion & stubbornness!
She must be a self a self-worshipper, a pride-worshipper! She doesn't care that much about other people. There you were, as desperately as you needed help, & she didn't even care enough to help you herself when she had it right there!
She selfishly said she believed it was okay wasn't for her, but it !--But what about for you?--If it was okay & needed for you, she should have obeyed & sacrificed a little. She "had it by her". She had a sister in need, & that Scripture is as clear as day on it, that if "thou hast it by thee" & don't give it, & all you say is "be thou warmed & fed", you're saying, "Let somebody else warm & feed you, I'm not going to do it!" (Ja.2:15-17.)
It just makes me absolutely sick & disgusted! She may be sweet & love the Lord, but if she's that selfish & independent & unsacrificial & disobedient & rebellious & stubborn, whew!--Don't tell me she believes the letters!
YOU BELIEVE IN THE LETTERS AS MUCH AS YOU PRACTICE THEM! And as far as I'm concerned, she doesn't believe what I write because she doesn't obey what I write! She has withheld herself selfishly & independently from you. I don't care how beautiful or how wonderful or how intelligent or hoe good with kids, etc., if she treated you like that, that makes me absolutely furious & disgusted!
I don't like half-hearted people! I don't like selfish independent people, whoa re nor willing to sacrifice & share & lay down their lives & bodies for others, like I wrote in "You are the love of God"! That was not the love of God for her to deny you & withhold herself from you in the very same bed!-- to deny your need, even your pleasure, was not the love of God!
That was Devilish selfishness & pride, which is of the Devil! It was not the love of God for her to deny you your due & what she owed you in love! "Owe no man anything, save to love him. She owed you that love, but she denied it to you & refused it, rejected it, withheld herself from you selfishly, when she had it by her she could have easily supplied it at no cost!
Now don't tell me people like that are wonderful for this, that or the other job, if they haven't got enough love to sacrifice & share with anybody! How is she going to teach children to share & be sacrificial & unselfish with each other or even teach them sex if she is going to withhold herself like that from her own sister & her own Family? Anybody who would withhold herself from you probably would withhold herself from anybody she just didn't like!--Me & no telling how many others!
She may be beautiful, she may be wonderful, she may be gorgeous, she may even think she's sexy! But I would rather have a simple little girl who puts everything she's got into it & will do it for anybody, anytime, anywhere because of love & with whole-heartedness, even sacrificially. I like someone who is whole-hearted, unreserved, without reservations.--If she's even got one selfish reservation, that's too many!
JUST THINK WHAT SHE COULD HAVE DONE, what she could have been & what a great blessing she could have been! But instead of the better thing, she chose the lesser things! --Just because she didn't want to do one little thing, make one little sacrifice, one little moment of physical self-denial-- surrendering her mere flesh for a moment!
How does she know she doesn't like it?--She never had any! She should have tried it. She might have liked it! But anybody who's so damn stubborn & so willful & so selfish & proud that she wasn't even willing to try, not even once, that's almost unbelievable! Anybody who could be that hard & that tough & have that much resistance to the Spirit of God & your love must be a pretty hard character!
Sex was something that you needed & she should have supplied it! I'm very disappointed, to say the least, & wroth with her, to say the most. I can't stand people who are not willing to put forth a little effort to be sacrificial & to at least try to help people, at least try to supply their need, at least try to make others happy the best they can!
"My soul abhoreth him that turneth back." (Heb. 10:38) She literally turned her back on you when she refused you sex! Therefore she doesn't deserve you! She could have had a wonderful mate in you & been wonderfully used by the Lord, but she didn't have enough love & she wasn't sacrificial enough & she was too selfish, too proud!
"INASMUCH AS YE HAVE DONE IT UNTO THE LEAST OF THESE MY BRETHREN (OR SISTERN), YE HAVE DONE IT UNTO ME"! (Mt 25:45) When she refused you, she refused the Lord! She did it not unto Jesus! She rejected His love & rejected Him & refused Him, spurned Him, was selfish with Him, refused to supply His need when she refused to supply yours!
In this one "little" thing she failed God & you & us & the Family! But she never realized how important it was & what a big thing it was, that God was testing her to see if she was willing to give her all, and she wasn't--so she failed!
I'm sorry but I wouldn't care to have her on my team! I don't like people around me who don't love me & don't respect me & don't have faith in me & confidence in me & don't really like to work for me. I like people around me who have love & confidence & faith in me & believe what I say & try to do it my way when I try to teach them & show them..
People don't realize that if they hold one little thing back from the Lord, one little compromise, one little tiny thing from the Lord, they're on their way to backsliding! One little bit of refusing to share & refusing to give all, refusing to forsake all & sacrifice all, leads to more! And if they don't really repent & stop, they eventually go all the way back!
So God bless you & help you to heed & obey as well as hear & agree! "Faith without works is dead!" (Ja.2:26)--Is yours dead?--Or do you obey the letters? (Prophecy:) "Beware lest thou be found to fight against God!" (Acts 5:39)