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Posted by on May 22, 2012 at 00:46:38
In Reply to: Re: God, you insult me posted by IFT on May 20, 2012 at 06:31:00:
Hey, IFT, sounds like you are having a hard time. I know that years ago, when I left TF, and some years after I left and as my children were growing up and getting into all kinds of trouble, I would sometimes "float" back to some of those embedded CD's when I was told about how horrible things would be for me, my kids because of me leaving, should I leave. So when painful life events happened after I left, I was pretty raw and anxious, much more pronounced and horrible anxiety and depression were the result as well as a lot of anger, and God was one of the biggest targets of that anger. It makes sense, because the learned God in the family was a "loving" rapist and control freak. My way of dealing with it was to come to terms with the fact that a demented person was pulling the strings and I believed it was God. I have no religious belief in any God now and that works for me. When things happen, I realize it is LIFE, and not God. But if you have a belief, or want to sort out a belief, there is support for that too. Maybe you could consider checking out MeadowHaven or something like that.
Wherever you get help, including what you are possibly getting now, trust your gut (something I had to learn to do after getting out) and if something does not feel right or helpful or reminds you of something that was not right, then look elsewhere.
With more time after leaving, and some help via therapists who gave their services to me freely or worked on a sliding scale fee (that slid really low) and with time to build relations outside of TF and outside of some years of isolating, my life got a lot different. Usually better, but life still has its pain along the way. I just hope you are hanging in there because, tho life will have some pain along the way, there are things in it that can be really wonderful and I want you to have those things. I don't know if you live somewhere that has a good Women's Center because sometimes they have free groups that are for survivors of a lot of different kinds of abuse. Growing up in TF, you couldn't have avoided that.
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