Posted by Thinker on December 03, 2009 at 21:43:00
In Reply to: Re: Letter of apology posted by AndyNoc on November 30, 2009 at 11:55:00:
A full apology must include four elements (according to researchers: Blum-Kulka, House, & Kasper, 1989; Blum-Kulka & Olshtain, 1984; Scher & Darley, 1997):
Expression of remorse "I’m sorry"
An express admission of responsibility and fault for specific actions: "It was all my fault"
Offer of repair "How can I make it up to you?"
Promise of forbearance “It won’t happen again"
Enough has been said about Maria and Peter not taking responsibility. I won't replay that theme, but here are some other aspects:
What Maria and Peter have written is called a partial apology. It is one of many partial apologies which ex-members in general have deemed insincere. Research indicates that "a partial or otherwise inappropriate apology can do more harm than good." (Just try Googling this: )
Once an apology has deemed insincere, the die is cast, and there usually is nothing more that will change things: "if an apology fails – for example because of a failure to accept responsibility or because it is not seen as sincere – it is unlikely that any further attempt at apologising will be effective."–Austrlia's NSW Ombudsman, Local Government Governance Gathering, May 5, 2009
"People do forgive mistakes. What they don't forgive is being mislead." –Two Canadian polticians, on the subject of Apology Legislation.
An apology is a trajectory of events, not a singular act. It is only one element out of many, only a part of a bigger restitutive action. An apology is normally just the worded part of a much bigger process of reparative procedure.
Is it just me? I don't see any reparations forthcoming from Maria and Peter, nor specifics; more like, "hey, mistakes were made, we said sorry, so you can't blame us for the past now."
An apology is an interaction, not just words, between two or more parties. It is arrived at through dialog, announced after dialog, not before. Maria & Peter have announced their arrival at conclusions sans dialog, and thus shortchanged their apology of anything meaningful. In fact, they have treated people who did try to dialog with them with hostility. And now, they blame the breakdown of dialog as being due to "misinterpretations" of all their letters and directives which clarly instructed all backsliders and detractors to be treated with disdain. They can't have it both ways.
A full apology – an apology that includes an admission or acceptance of responsibility or fault – should address the needs of the person(s) harmed. This apology letter does not address the needs of Maria & Peter's personal victims nor TFI's victims. It addresses their own needs. It comprises whatever words Maria & Peter had to come up with in order to get what they want – it is a means to an end.
And what is it they want? An educated guess: they want income from people who were once a part of their organization and who might therefore be more understanding towards them and support them. Now all of a sudden they don't want to antagonize anyone who leaves because too many people are leaving and it means a serious loss on income.
A full apology provides vindication: "You were right, I was wrong." No such vindication was provided by M & P.
Sincere apologies normally include strong emotive words and symbolisms. M & P expressed no "shame" at their actions, no "angst" or loss of sleep, did not feel "horrified" at realizing how much harm they have caused, no naming of perpetrators who committed "reprehensible" actions, etc.
Sincere apologies, even on behalf of organizations or institutions, are in first person: "To the stolen generations I say the following: As Prime Minister of Australia, I am sorry. On behalf of the Government of Australia, I am sorry. On behalf of the Parliament of Australia, I am sorry."
Finally, in the words of Gilbert Oskaboose, former student of Canada's residential schooling system for indigenous children: "I am not the least bit interested in your bloody apologies. Apologies are words and words are like dust in the wind. They mean nothing. You don't hurt somebody for ten years and then say, "Geez sorry about that", do a group "warm and fuzzy" and wander off into the sunset hand in hand. Doesn't work that way"
