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In Reply to: Re: my question posted by Farmer on January 30, 2009 at 08:57:24:
Interesting questions!
Group dynamics are one part of it. Another part was the brainswashing and use of the "word" and the control of the leaders. (I realize brainwashing is not PC but my insistence on using that term in this case, stems from the fact that Berg studied "brainwashing" by communists, and even proudly called his Mo Letters tools for brainwashing the filth of the System out from us.)
Speaking for myself, I brushed aside the misconstructions of leaders because on meeting TF at a young impressionable age, I had been conditioned, drilled with the concept that we are all sinners and all naturally wrong, that we were wrong wrong to begin with as systemites, that to use our conscience was to lean to our own understanding, and God's ways were higher than our ways, yada yada. There was a lot of nonsensical circular-logic brain-f**k arguments that made us wrong by default. No matter what, we couldn't know better about anything and the leaders just came out on top:
If you think you're humble then you're not.
If you're spening any amount of time wondering if you're humble you have a problem with humility and pride.
If you think you're not proud you're self-righteous.
If you don't think you're self-righteous, you are really very self-righteous.
If you're that self-righteous it's your pride.
If you have that much pride you are guilty of the sin of witchcraft.
I remember having several run-ins with leaders.
Once I told my Area Shepherd that my home shep was self-righteous (and he really was a prick), and the AS threw the above reasonings at me: I was the one who was self-righteous to the point of witchcraft and devil worship, because anyone
who dares to think their leaders are self-righteous are really really suffering from the sin of pride, to the point of being just like Judas. I might let the devil so far in I'll get my shepherd killed, yada yada yada. Everyone had to pray over me.
Another time when forced to give a confession/report after some persecution had hit, I told a NS that "thank God I used my conscience instead of following blindly" about something that turned out to be wrong. His response was to blast me for not following blindly, that I was supposed to follow all my leaders blindly, or else I was not trusting God's ordained leaders who were entrusted with responsibility for my soul. All true sheep follow blindly, yada yada yada. If I had followed blindly, I know he would instead have blasted me for not following my inner voice and praying and being on guard yada yada yada.
I could give so many examples of this stuff.
Yes, I agree, group dynamics was part of it too. I still say that TF had some of the sweetest people I know on earth. I joined and stayed because they were so wonderful. I realized in later years (I know i'm not very bright sometimes), that I was one of "wonderful" people too. I gave my name and face so that others joined and stayed around. And we all believed when times were bad, or when we were being disciplined, that we were suffering for something bigger than ourselves, something glorious.
As to your question about bringing healing to wounded hearts, healing for sexually abused children, wounded adults?
I know there are no single answers for everything, because every story is different, and how victims are affected can be very different.
I know that it gave me power to confront my abuser. I had run into him a few years ago, several decades after he abused me and several others. He was old and frail, no longer the towering muscular giant who could intimidate me into obeying his commands. I had almost punched him in the jaw when I realized he was simple-minded. I couldn't have known that as a child. Anyway, he started sending me gooey generic Hallmark-styled messages of peace and love every xmas after that. I'd heard he'd been converted to Christianity and regretted his past. So I said straight out after getting a gooey xmas message in 2007:
"Rather than send me gooey xmas messages, how about you make peace with those you have damaged through your dark deeds? Don’t hope they will be forgotten or disappear from our memory. Do ur part to help your victims move on. Clear your conscience. [My name]-one of the little ones you offended (and you know what Jesus said about that!)"
He never did reply. But this xmas I didn't get another gooey message to make my blood boil. Mission accomplished. It would have been nice to get a "I'm sorry, what I did was wrong!" but I wasn't holding my breath waiting for it. I know how these things go.
For all victims, I'd recommend confrontation if possible. I know you may not see justice, when statutes of limitation have expired. I know some hardcore abusers will not even sweat or lose sleep over it, but confrontation is empowerment.
Like Jo says, I know that even abusers who have reformed aren't about to incriminate themselves. But a simple "Between you and me, I know what I did was wrong. I know I need your forgiveness even though I may never get it" -- some kind of admisssion of guilt by abusers would help.
Failing all of that (or along with all of that), I'd recommend therapy, support, good friends, whatever it takes, anything to move on and become a good person, a better one than your abuser(s), and not let them have power over your soul by f**king you over so bad that you can't pick up yourself.
I am proud to say I did not become anything like my sexual abuser, nor have I had any inclinations to the sort, that my sexuality wasn't affected either. But I am one of the lucky ones.
