Hi all, Many thanks for allowing me to participate in general discussions. As I mentioned, I have come from another cult-ish church group in the California area (though they are across the USA). I was heavily involved for about 7 years. It was so cool and rock n' roll and focused on younger people and biker types. Because of the constant activities and concerts it is clearly a draw to people and can easily suck one right into 24/7 participation. I was one of the people who ended up giving up everything and living 'in the homes' as we called it. We all contributed whatever skills we had to the community... and the pastor even pimped us out to people closely or remotely associated to the church to do service to them (unpaid to US, of course). Ok, really long story summarized shortly I'd say that sexual inappropriate behavior was rampant. Our top pastor slept with lots of young girls 'in the posse dance crew' and even impregnated a girl and paid for her abortion with church funds. His family drives around in escalades and get boob jobs with church funds. His sons are 'christian' rappers with an emphasis on half-naked chicks dressed like gang bangers.. OH and proudly shown in pictures with military-grade fully automatic assault weapons. Oh, did I mention the pastor owned or owns (unsure if he had to sell it but it's still there) a BAR and hung out there daily supposedly to minister. Yeah. Oh, I could go on... about how his 21 year old son was married to a girl and had 2 young kids but decided to run off with a 14 year old girl and send his wife and kids 'to the work ranches' which SUPPOSEDLY are for drug and alcohol withdrawal but also used as disciplinary ranches. Yeah. Ok, so My story could go on but I felt I needed to provide a bit of the back history. So, a recent event forced me to drag out all my old memories and feelings (undealt with so far) as my previous practice had been to bury it and ignore it. Since this wound has been opened I want to just deal with it and find my way through the emotions and memories. I've been studying and read a bit about some forms of therapy (gestalt, Jungian, etc.) as recommended for those who have come from cultic groups. Has anyone here gone through any form of therapy or group therapy with other survivors? If so, please tell me which form and what worked and didn't work for you?
Also... does anyone here also feel that as a result of their experiences they put on the 'appearance' of someone who creates and maintains healthy, intimate relationships but secretly keeps people at bay and has trust issues with everyone? I feel like I have changed into this person who can go through the motions of emotional intimacy but in my heart I am numb much of the time and keep people at something of a distance if I feel they are getting too close to me. Plus, I just don't trust people as much as I'd prefer for a healthy level of intimacy.
