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In Reply to: Re: Quote of the day by JAQ posted by LTO on September 22, 2007 at 19:34:29:
I said it below, and I'll say it again. Why do you keep talking about my need to forgive as though I have an obligation to give my abusers a "get of jail free" pass?
I doubt you will feel comfortable on this particular website as long as someone like me is around to insist that it is not OK to initiate conversation with abuse survivors by talking about our need to forgive the perpetrators. Start by talking about about what you want to apologize for, why you feel the need to apologize, why you're coming to a site frequented by survivors to talk about apologies, and how can you made a true and believable apology.
I just can't trust you as long as you're talking about what I need to do for the guilty party. That's exactly what my abusers did, and I find it very threatening at this point in my recovery to be spoken to in that manner. In order to heal, I do not need to forgive my abuser if that person does not make a heartfelt apology and acknowledge the damage he did. In order to heal, I need to hear a discussion about what the abuser needs to do to show true repentance and how the abuser plans to clean his side of the street.
Stick to that and quit preaching about my responsibility to forgive or forget what was done to me in God's name.
