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In Reply to: Re: If I may posted by LTO on September 22, 2007 at 09:36:19:
You say "Perhaps there is some comfort to be drawn by making sure those who participated, for whatever reasons, in an abusive system that caused so much pain and heartache (and worse!) should never be granted any path toward forgiveness or ever allowed a new start with their kids."
I surely do not agree. I think "a path toward forgiveness" would be great. But I don't see forgiveness as a cheap concept, as something that any old third party can grant with a touch of the magic wand. Or something that can be demanded, or something to which one is entitled regardless of whether one takes the actions involve with seeking it.
There are many people who have thought and written aboout forgiveness better than I could do here. Meaningful reads include "Revenge: a Story of Hope" by Laura Blumenfeld and "The Sunflower".
In "Revenge" the author studies the history of revenge and forgiveness in the context of a personal journey that takes her to a place of reconciliation she never imagined (one reviewer said if you unleashed a bunch of Laura Blumenfelds, peace would have a chance of coming about in the Middle East.
She writes how an apology must include certain concrete elements to constitute an apology (and just because someone says "here is my apology" is not enough to make it one). For example, when people died in an incident at the US embassy in China, she shows how the US' apology was deficient because it inlcuded self-justification. Zerby's self-serving so-called apologies fall utterly short.
When you speak of "a path to forgiveness", whose forgiveness do you speak of? I would tend to think that the only ones with actual power to grant forgiveness are those who have been harmed, and only in respect of the harm done to themselves. And whatever theories one may hold about the benefits or necessity to forgive, it is within the ability of the hurt one to decline (or, the hurt one may find it is unable to grant it).
I am curious as to whether some people who don't want their names out there seek "forgiveness" due to a true need to know that if they hurt someone, they can come to that place with the hurt one, or if it is looked on more as a theory that people wish the "exer community" generally embraced and which would facilitate the non-maintenance of memory that can be accessed. If the latter, I am sure introspection would alert to the fact that if they hurt someone with whom they never tried to walk that path of forgiveness, they may well remain unforgiven by the hurt one.
