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In Reply to: Re: Street cleaning posted by Scenario on September 06, 2007 at 20:13:15:
The perpetrator who says, "F*ck you, I don't care if you forgive me or not" has not made an amends.
The perpetrator who says, "I'm really sorry for what I did. I paid my debt to society by doing prison time (or 10,000 hours of community service or whatever), and I ask your forgiveness," has made an amends.
Now imagine that the victim replies back to the perp, "I don't care how much you've been punished as a consequence of owning up to your crime, I'll never forgive you as long as I live." If the perpetrator has truly made an amends and taken responsibility for his life as it is (not how he wishes it were), he will be able to say, "Your refusal to forgive is your choice. I'll have to live with it, and so will you."
My point being: If a perpetrator made a proper amends, his ability to forgive himself for what he did and live with the consequences of his crime is not dependent on whether those he offended choose to forgive or not. Some SGAs may never forgive. It's their right and their choice to live without granting forgiveness, even if the perp has made an amends. That said, the perpetrator can never argue that his ability to move on with his life is dependent on another person's forgiveness IF he has made a proper amends for his crime. The only thing the perp has control over is the ability to ask forgiveness. He cannot control whether the victim extends forgiveness. It is not necessary to be forgiven in order to make a proper amends.
Also, making an amends is not necessarily a one time event. Offenders can make amends many times over a long period of time as they get more and more awareness of the damage they did.
