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In Reply to: Collective guilt, collective punishment posted by Thinker on July 04, 2007 at 08:36:35:
Very good post.
I have 4 kids who grew up in the Fam. Each one of them has had their own unique story so far, what has happened in each of their lives couldn't be more diverse one from the other. There's been both triumph and tragedy.
With one of them, a daughter, for a number of years we couldn't communicate, she held me accountable. She's a strong person, she's gotten herself a master's degree and is now working on a doctorate. When she started Univ she was totally on her own, I was still a Fam member. After I finally left the group I could start helping her a little financially, I did what I could; but any conversations we tried to have ended up in disaster. Until I was ready to enter a kind of “TRC” with her, it started with me listening and completely accepting. The time came when I made sincere amends and she accepted them and figuratively speaking she’s granted me amnesty. There's still lots of ground to cover, a long the way we've had to face some very difficult and sorrowful events together, various ups and downs, but all in all, we’re getting along pretty darn well. I'm grateful for the things I've been able to work out, and that is a factor that has helped keep me from depression. Having this forum has also been a help. I still need other forms of support and recovery as well. It’s a process, a journey.
I don't know if this makes any sense: assume responsibility as a stepping stone to move on, but don't hold yourself responsible because that can get you into the mud.
