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In Reply to: Personal space posted by Closing up on November 27, 2006 at 00:05:37:
“Closing up “ wrote:
“Reading the exchange by Jo and Jewlz got me wondering something: Does everybody here, due to our background of communal living, have a very open lifestyle with friends and family dropping by all the time. Are you constantly surrounded by people or are you more like loners? Many of us left with children, and families with children tend to have a little more openness with school friends and neighbors visiting. But apart from that, are you more public or private? Open or closed to strangers?”
“As for me, I used to be open house all the time, with people dropping by and me cooking up meals for them, having people sleep over and all. Now in recent years I've found it necessary to keep my personal space and make time for me. I've shut the doors so I can do some renovations. I'm more of a loner. Even though I deal with a lot of people, nobody gets that close anymore.”
“Just wondering if anyone has gone through the same thing.”
“Closing up”:
Hi. As my “nom de post” denotes, I got out LONG ago, in the early/mid ‘70s. Most “GeneXers” are in their ‘30s to ‘40s; right. I’m 53; so most here might not relate to me, but here goes!
Almost immediately post-TF, I hung around a ministry headquartered in Eugene, Oregon, with my then-wife and 3 kids, for a couple of years. They were of the early Jesus People variety; a group called Shiloh Youth Revival Centers, headed up by one of the first original JPs, a John Higgins, who started the first ‘60s-‘70s American Christian commune along with a guy named Lonnie Frisbee, who had opened a Christian coffeehouse in San Francisco in ’63 (where he ministered to the hardcore street people, like Charles Manson, for over 4 days straight--a couple of years BEFORE Berg’s claim in ’65 to have started the movement himself in Huntington Beach).
Higgins was eventually thrown out as leader of SYRC, along with half of the “eldership”. They had misappropriated LOTS of funds for themselves, while professing “all things in common” á la COG-like Acts 2 & 4 doctrine, while new “converts” in their communal homes around the US were being neglected.
One case, which was the last straw, was Higgins wanting a deluxe audio system put into “his” Bluebird Motor Coach (value: $1M), while someone, a brand-new baby Christian convert, in a SYRC commune, needed root canal work for horribly rotting and damaged teeth, from abusing speed.
The assumption before the bubble burst was that “cc” (“Christian Communalism”) WAS the only “real Christian” way to be. That was taught by the COG, Jesus People USA, Jim Paloussari and the Highway Missionary Society, the German JPs, and so on. The assumption was brought to their belief systems right out of the “Hippie Dream” of peace, love, granola, and their view of “all things common”; especially the “free love” part, where multiple partners were the most easily accessible.
Communes fit that dream. Period.
IMHO, CC never DID deal with man’s true nature (sinful/self-centered/power-seeking/overly sexualized); power was sought and secured under false religious pretences and was wielded over others to their hurt; hardly ANY of the communes, whether Christian or otherwise, actually succeeded.
A cult expert, a Dr. Walter Martin, pointed out, in his writings, the historic failure of ALL the Christian ones—most tended eventually towards autocratic abuse, and eventually towards unorthodox beliefs, power trips and perversions of all sorts; i.e., an isolating and life-stealing cult; all the way back to Catholic monasteries—ALL offered an imagined spiritual superiority over the rest of the world, and were ALL the MAJOR historic perverters of original Scripture and simple Christian living; historically.
I guess it turns out that private home ownership, and the ability to discerningly pick one’s own friends and associates IS a better way; after all.
“Welcome back to realism and common sense”; I told myself!
But your main set of questions was about exers’ past experience with communalism and its resultant openness to others in our individual home, frequency of visits by friends and family, and gregariousness versus self-isolation; wasn’t it?
After the fiasco in Oregon, I was pretty closed to CC, while I was sorting out things historically, reading, researching and regaining the brain, and my own mind and will.
I found that Jews from all over the then known world traditionally came to Jerusalem for the Feast of Tabernacles, and stayed past the Day of Pentecost, in the original New Testament period recorded in the book of Acts. Then, Jerusalem was more crowded then than at any other time of the year, and for quite a while; at least a couple of months.
When there were suddenly at least 8, 000 new Christian converts, the “no room at the inn” experience that Mary and Joseph had, was faced by the entire early church.
Of COURSE they lived communally: for awhile.
However, Paul wrote the Thessalonians that they had “their own houses” to get drunk in, if they insisted on dishonoring communion by getting drunk at the assembly celebrations and “Love Feasts”; which actually just provided opportunity for fellowship for ALL the local Christians, and also fed the poor. Duh. No weird shit alowed, and everybody went home to their OWN home. Helping and sharing was done WISELY—bums and perverts were warned, and then evicted; from INDIVIDUAL homes; NOT mandatory communes.
Berg picked an historical oddity and turned it into an opportunity for a closed and isolated environment where people were treated horribly.
I began fellowshipping at a local fellowship, here in Houston over 25 years ago, which has “home churches”, or “small groups” (there have been many names over the years), along with the Sunday worship/teaching/ministry/mercy to the poor, etc at the main assemblies in the area; each with pastors and elders; ACTUAL “Christian journeymen”, as I call them. Safe counsel, from a PLURALITY of leadership—NOT autocratic.
Yes, the DO exist; I’ve found.
You can pick the small group that you WANT to attend. I have repeatedly done so, carefully, over the years, and have benefited greatly from this type of social structure; an OPPOSITE of the Berg-taught type.
It is my personal conviction that God has given me the right to pick whom I associate with, ESPECIALLY in His church. I dismiss bad leaders from my life almost immediately, when they are detected; I don’t care WHOM that bothers—I get to choose.
I have personally had a lot of job struggles over the years; in several states. That has affected my friendships with work associates. I make friends, but then won’t see them for quite a while; sometimes. Same goes with my middle-age foray into completing my education; most of my fellow students were much younger than I. Overall, I have a fairly closed lifestyle; I guess. It’s not purely intentional.
My wife and I “rented” a room to a now former friend who conned us into believing that he “was going to return to India to be a missionary; again”.
He HAD worked with Mother Theresa, and was with YWAM (“Youth with a Mission”--about which I had heard a lot concerning authoritarian abuse of missionaries overseas; away for the more mature scrutiny of older leaders back in the States).
Anyway, we “charged” this guy a pittance rent (we were going to return it ALL to him, when he “went back to India”, fed him every day for over a year, and GAVE him a totally refurbished/rebuilt car; for FREE). We spent about $10K in all on him; believing his con.
I had to tell him what I really understood about him, finally. We had to kick him out, so he could learn to support himself. He was also setting up three other couples to support him as he was “PREPARING” his return to India.
In short, we were victimized by a middle-aged “Gospel Bum”; as I call the personality type. A “religious grafter” (which is what ALL TFers are, now) took complete advantage of us. Sad; and quite ironic, considering my past TF involvement. That pretty much quashed my enthusiasm for the lifestyle.
We still plan to rent to female students in need of a safe and clean environment. We’ve already befriended some Chinese students, over the last two years.
We’re wise to the fact that to GIVE FREELY to some people means to invite abuse; charging reasonable rent is a much better way to go; I believe now—if YOU put an actual value on the privilege, then THEY usually will, too.
Some people are completely hardened parasites, and not worthy of friendship. Knowing other “givers” is good. Sometimes you can help the “takers”—sometimes you CAN’T.
No more “Gospel Bums”. Like you, “Closing up”, I’ve also “…found it necessary to keep my personal space and make time for me. I've shut the doors so I can do some renovations. I'm more of a loner. Even though I deal with a lot of people, nobody gets that close anymore.” Same here.
I’ll probably take some chances in the future with new friends. My calling these days is NOT that of a “world-saving rescuer”. I see that as a part of my naïve and immature past.
Gotta go.
Sincerely,
OT2 (OldtimerToo)
