|
In Reply to: Re: Interesting Gen-X article posted by Jo on September 19, 2006 at 23:01:34:
Guilt was always more of a motivator for me than fear. I never felt like God would strike me dead if I left TF; it was more like, "What am I doing for Jesus today, and is it enough, can I ever do enough if I'm not living 100% sold-out discipleship?" So I transferred all that guilt about never being good enough or doing enough to serve God over to the RC Church, where my guilt multiplied exponentially and kept me bound for 15 years.
I was always skeptical about the "end of the world" scenarios Berg and others would paint. Terror and doom just weren't in my world view. (How things have changed!)
I could very easily have been a hooker for Jesus if I'd stuck around long enough. It's a very seductive doctrine that would have made total sense to me at the time. I was very sexually experienced, or promiscuous, when I joined. I think certain leaders picked up that vibe from me, because I was flat-out propositioned by one. It's not like I was some gorgeous babe, either. Just being consistently slutty is enough to open doors to certain forms of reality.
When I was in TF about three months, I remember talking about turning tricks on the street to raise money to go overseas. After all, "to the pure all things are pure," and if my motivation was to serve Jesus, then surely I was pure and would remained unstained by the corruption of prostituting myself.
Well, I got a big lecture from and "older" brother who overheard that conversation! All I can say is, I thought I'd figured something out that he didn't know yet.
It's so true that everybody's experience is different. I think that explains why some people can honestly say they knew nothing about the child sexual abuse going on in the homes, while others were involved and promoted it.
