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In Reply to: Re: From the mother's perspective posted by Jim LaMattery on December 09, 2005 at 14:34:17:
Jim, I think people dissociate unpleasant things. For one, when this incident of the child being "disciplined" (beat) with the belt on the butt occurred you were in the main room right beside it as was I, but I was closer to the door of the small attached room and that door was open.. Apparently this particular parent/leader was a harsh disciplinarian what then could have been legally gotten away with but which was not the norm for individual parents in the family as a whole at the time. Also, at that time and point there weren't that many children and most were very young. From the beginning, even when I was at TSC I can remember seeing a few parents that were harsh disciplinarians and thinking I hoped I never had children..
In Stockholm you lived with this disciplinarian person very closely for a good amount of time. I won't mention her name but I am sure you know who I am talking about. I don't mention it because she has been out of the family for a very long time too. There is no way on earth you did not witness this but in the context of Family and in particular that family and that leader, also a very young person, you could not have missed it. I was barely in the house except to get up to go out the door litnessing and come home after dinner, just to sleep mostly. This must have happened on a week end afternoon or Sunday when shops were closed and litnessing was not possible.
As far as the school went, my child was about 1 1/2 yrs old. That is young to go to the school. I eventually did get to go there after months of begging and trying to get things I had learned in the family (i.e. cooking for large numbers of people) as a way to get there.
I will never forget when I got to the school in Arhus Denmark how spaced out my son looked. He even hallucinated seeing spiders and was crying to be allowed to be with me. I won't get into all of it, but it was about six months we were separated and then at the school we were separated in some ways though at the same location. The time I was in Arhus was brief and I was there when the school moved to Skillingsfors.
But to get to your point about Montessori schools, I don't believe Montessori was initiated in Family schools at the time, and there was only one school in Scandinavia, at Arhus, that I know of anyway. Not many children were at the school and I don't know why my eldest was sent away from me because I certainly wasn't in on the decision.
Some of the other children that were there were Cherub from Eli and Jerusha, Sara-Li from Crystal and I think her husband's name was Barak, Swedish both of them.. The children were there but not the parents. I was the only parent there other than the leaders of the school. The overseers of the school were your brother and his then wife Carmel. From what I remember of them, Carmel was very concerned about education and Joah was more spacey. I don't remember either of them as mean but for some reason I was not allowed family time with my eldest child, another child care worker did that, and I spent parent time with someone else's child. The child of Carmel and Joah spent time with her parents as leaders usually got special priviledges within the family. They weren't big leaders, but leaders over the school.
Regarding the age of my child, Sara Li and my son celebrated their 2nd birthday there together as they were both born in the same month and year.
Later, the school moved to Skillingsfors Sweden where Esther was headquartered. That is when I remember we got a lot of Montessori equipment and children started being taught by that method. Later the "Teach your baby to Read" method was introduced, but that a few yrs later. That school location ordered virtually everything Montessori for the children from toddler ages to early grade school age, maybe only one child was that age then. Only one I can remember.
But my eldest at that time was 2, my middle was barely one yr old and I was quite pregnant at this time. From Skillingsfors I was separated again, this time I was sent away to Gothenburg Sweden with the toddler and pregnant about to deliver. I was nearly sent to pioneer Greenland by Esther, but ended up going to Gothenburg where the home was led by young up and coming dictators. I think in youth and being put in a power position and with family training, it brought the worst out in people.
The cult was designed to destroy individual families in order to create loyalty to the top. As I said I don't blame people for having been in the cult because I think there is a big difference between joining and being recruited.
You describe yourself as a teen when you were recruited and so was I. You were put in a leadership position at a very young age. I have no beef with you for having been young, joining/being recruited or even that you participated in (either by being part of the decision or ignoring the decision or not involving yourself in the decision) when my son was sent away. I just wish you could understand that regardless of when a person joined or got out there were factors in play that made us different from what our non-cult personality was.
Characteristics that could make a person a great salesman or entrepreneur in the "world" outside the cult could be utilized within the cult to be a hatchet man or despotic sort of leader.
As someone mentioned above, there are those that were very close to Berg that spent decades in and then got out and utilized their knowledge of the inner workings of the cult to expose the nature of the beast.
IT doesn't help to try and paint yourself as the spotless member who left for high moral reasons and then point fingers at other ex members and say "Why didn't you do x-y-z when you were in the cult?" When the same can be asked of YOU.
I supported your cause for awhile, longer than some because I agree with helping ex-members and ex-SG in ways one is able to. Some don't have financial resources to do so but help in other ways like offering to dig up resources, and publishing resources, offering support in what ways a person can.
You may be making bigger leaps to engage media and advocate for others and you have the resources to do that. I cannot judge what you do now, for whom or for what reasons. I am glad for anything and anyone that advocates for the recovery and help for others.
But I won't have my memory erased or deny what i remember. BTW, I was thirty when I left with three kids and no safe outside support. There are many factors as to why a mother doesn't just up and leave. Perhaps discussing THIS would be an exercise that is not futile.
Why did parents not react to things they did see? What happened when they did react? Where were parents? I was in foreign countries during most of my time in the family. I was pregnant with my first as a teen.
