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In Reply to: Re: Here's an idea posted by Windy on October 05, 2005 at 20:07:53:
As a mother of a bunch of kids in similar situations, the best thing I can see to do is give it a rest for awhile. I have no idea what you all hope to gain by posting things about Kristi on public websites. I would never, ever do such a thing. And definitely not in this community where there seems to be a curious public divide. It's certainly not serving your mission and is only pitting people against people.
I've been watching and observing and listening to all this for awhile now. What I'm seeing is that Jim does not know how to let go and be able to take it as it comes without pushing his own agenda. This is probably why he is a very good business person. Business people are like that, they are driven, they don't take no for an answer, and they get the job done come hell or high water. But this is not a business, this is people's lives.
I understand what Jim is going through, I've gone through that too. I've been just beside myself when one of my kids has done something that has taken them away from me or not been to their best interest.
Of course, the circumstances are different, but the effects are the same. As a parent, you want to control your kids (sorry I call them kids even if the oldest is 31) because you think you know what is best for them. It's hard to watch your child suffer or do something you think is not in their best interest. I've had a son join the gangs and end up in jail for armed robbery. I thought I was going to die. But it was out of my control. The same thing with another offspring which I don't want to get into the details here, but she should have listened to me at the time as she is suffering exactly what I said was going to happen if she didn't take my advice. Of course, I love her and stand by her side even if she veered off course and is suffering the consequences now - I still support her and she appreciates it. I've never forced any of my children to take my advice or pressured them, or butted into their lives, maybe to a fault. Maybe sometimes I was too easy. I certainly did not do everything right, but first and foremost they all know without a doubt that I care immensely for them and would stand by them no matter what.
Firstly - our offspring have to make their own way in life and as a parent, it's hard to sit and watch when you think you know better, but you have to bite your tongue sometimes and let it be.
Secondly - you have to realize that in one's life there are only 20 percent of events that one is able to control, the other 80 percent is out of our control and it's best to realize that and not try and make it so. When I realized that or came to terms with that, a lot of pressure was lifted off of me and I let things happen as they come instead of trying to control every little thing. That will drive someone crazy, not to mention the people around you. Life is much more peaceful since I was able to reconcile that.
I just want this to be helpful advice, I'm not trying to take anybody's side or get into something I don't know everything about.
I know it was all talked about on the Dr. Phil show, but maybe it's best to leave it there and trust the outcome instead of trying to control it. It's just not good for all of you involved.
