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In Reply to: Re: A question for Jojo posted by JoJo on September 13, 2005 at 12:38:13:
How did you ask your kids the question about sexual molestation and abuse? For example, "Were you ever molested?" is different than, "When you were younger, did you ever experience someone touching you in a way or in places on your body that now makes you feel uncomfortable?"
How do you or your kids actually define sexual abuse? For example, some people do not think it is abusive to fondle a toddler's penis. However, this was widely practiced by childcare workers in TFI. By most legal definitions of child sexual abuse, fondling a toddler's penis with the intent of arousal or achieving an erection is considered to be abuse.
Whether or not your adult children remember such incidents--or remember them, but don't consider them abusive--does not change the act's statutory definition as abuse.
It might be more informative if you asked your kids something like, "Would you be willing to talk about your childhood memories of sex?" They may, for example, remember see two or more adults engaged in "loving it up." They may not consider this to be abuse. It might not be abuse. A lot depends on whether they were required to watch or accidently came upon the scene and had the power to leave. It also depends on who was engaged in such a scenario. Was it mom with a fish or dad with another woman?
If your adult child has problems engaging in a committed relationship due to infidelity, then childhood exposure to seeing mom or dad sexually involved with different partners would be considered abusive.
