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In Reply to: Re: So is this the issue then? posted by Another opinion on May 19, 2005 at 13:27:21:
Rape is any unwanted sex that occurs by force or COERCION (as in to not submit would cause harm to the person being RAPED via reprisals, separations from loved ones, humiliation, and so on.)
RAPE is RAPE.
To get to the core issue though, most if not all of us did things we hated in the group OR did things "willingly" that we would never have dreamt of doing due to the nature of the beast.
Because of this it helps to look back and say if we were primarily hurt, how that felt, or if we primarily were perpetrators of hurt, that we are sorry for that, and where we were both, express both but realize also how we got to that.
I do believe men in many cases found the FFing doctrines something they weren't opposed to as far as single men went and some married or "mated" men. But many hated having their wives go out and felt powerless within that system to stop it for the same reason women felt powerless to buck the system within and not go out FFing, OR they put on the face of bravado and showed their "dedication" by "sacrificing" their wives "willingly". Within the family and regarding doctrines that were hurtful or would not normally have been done by the person,"willingly" was actually coercion.
ALL of us were taught FFing and other sick doctrines was the 'right' thing to do and to rebel or resist was from the devil or bad. So in that context, it was definitely rape to be coerced out the door or into the bedroom to service "brothers" when we did not want to.
What I think helps is to look at and focus the anger at the rightful targets: Berg and Zerby who initiated and carried on abusive practices as doctrine.
There are definitely individuals that took advantage of sick doctrines to pleasure themselves knowing the person they were getting it from was humiliated, hated it and did not want it. That happened to me on more than one occasion and it was RAPE.
There were other instances where I abhored it but felt it my duty and that was as bad as rape if not rape because I had no real choice. To resist would have brought dire consequences.
Looking back, I am angry at Berg and at Zerby for this mostly. Not individuals caught up in the family, with a few exceptions.
