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In Reply to: Re: Is TF responsible for more than sexual abuse? posted by Anneke on May 01, 2005 at 17:07:40:
I can relate to this so much. I was forced to BE WITH the person I was "mated" after being dealt with one too many times (sounds degrading doesn't it? But that is what it was called: "mated") and went through some similar humiliations with other leadership. I also had my son taken from me and sent to another country. I did not even know where they took him except that he was in Denmark and I could not go there or communicate with him. He was only 1 1/2 yrs old.
Some may wonder why a parent wouldn't go to police, but the family then known as COG (or Gud's Barn where I was at the time) had a slick cover and if the other parent was still in the family (he was) the child could be taken and I could end up possibly never seeing him again. Add to that fear of God getting me as in taking me out if I "rebelled" against leadership.
There were so many things that kept people hooked in especially during vulnerable times of wanting to leave. First of all, being in foreign countries, separation from children, not being close or not having a safe family of origin = no known safe place to go to. Funds not available. Emotional torture in many ways. And that is putting it lightly.
I know I had a breakdown in the family and I know far too many other people that did as well, many much more serious with some having to be hospitalized. To top that off, I knew one person that when she broke down she was hospitalized and heavily medicated for a few weeks. After she got out, she was looked upon as a 'weak sister' for snapping. From what I understand this occurred when her husband took on a second wife and she could not take being seconds. She was sent away from him. How tragic.
With the release of a letter or the whim of an upper leader, couples were broken up just like that, children were removed just like that. Those are pains that can take years and years to heal and can never be fully repaired.
Though I got out when I was 30 and my kids were young, they called me by a bible name, not "mom". It took about two years or more for them to become comfortable with "mom". The early bonding had been so disturbed. The estrangement was horrible to deal with after leaving.
Glad to have survived all that. Some seem to forget having been leaders and doing horrific things like separating mother and child or husband and wife or whole families while within.
They seem to divorce themselves from what they did while seeking to drag down parents who have been out for a long time or force all ex-members into their version of dealing with the past while conveniently forgetting their own dark chapters.
It is re-victimization for those that have gotten out of the COG/FOL and been pieceing themselves together after years of devastation. Each family or individual is at their own pace of atonement or seeking justice.
It's a good topic with some sad sad stories to tell.
