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In Reply to: Re: About Leah posted by Outsider on March 29, 2005 at 00:41:34:
Excerpt from FSM 162
Also the Letter about Leah (ML#2547, GN396) was really convicting me, but at the same time I was using every excuse in the book why I didn't have to accept its message. It says, "She will probably say that she is NOT addicted to them. Very few drug addicts & alcoholics will ADMIT that they are addicted." (ML#2547:11) Also the part about wasting God's money, which you also mentioned specifically in your message to me, was extremely convicting.
It was like the Lord was giving me every opportunity, every Word on it to get the point across.--Like where you said to Leah that her co-worker needed to get tough with her & lay down the law & that we don't want anybody in the Family who is addicted to any kind of drugs, pills or whatever. Then you used the example of Mrs. Dukakis publicly admitting it--there was that "PUBLICLY admitting it" again!
I knew the Lord was really trying to get that point across to me, that I needed to confess PUBLICLY, & that was what He wanted me to do. But I still COULDN'T, until your message came & then I had no alternative. I knew you were right & I knew all the points that you covered in your message were right!
Well, as I say, I used every excuse in the book. Even about Leah, I thought, "Look she's a DRUG ADDICT & I'm not as bad as THAT! And at least I'm not a big leader in a real important position like she is. Besides, she was in such a state & the Lord let her carry on in a big leadership position.--I don't know if the Lord treated me fairly because He didn't let me carry on in a big leadership position with my less serious problem. He has really humbled & chastised me & taken everything away from me, & now she's got everything I had & here she's a bigger mess than I was!" (Ed: What Faithy didn't know when she wrote this was that Leah had been relieved of her responsibilities in order to allow her the time to work on her weaknesses without having to bear the burden of leadership at the same time. TTL, she seems to be totally delivered & is making tremendous progress in her rehabilitation.) The Devil was really using it to give me excuses for hanging on to my alcoholism. I like to say "alcoholism" because it does me good to say it, because I get more CONVICTION about it every time I say the dirty word.
