Posted by ">John La Mattery Jr. on February 23, 2005 at 18:21:57
I'm trying to get a dialog with our parents. I would appreciate your opinion on this article I posted on movingon. Thank you. (It was suggested that I post this here)
By John La Mattery Jr.
We have been in the heat of this fiasco for a bit over 2 months. The rough part started the minute China dropped the phone crying, "Abe is dead!" to the point we’re at today getting ready to celebrate Auty’s birthday. Although it’s only been 2 months, it seems like it’s been a 2 year struggle. I look back with the feeling of success. My compatriot’s and I defended Abe’s and Rick’s name to the best of our capabilities; we were able to gather a network and handle the media though we realized there is no rule book that outlines how to go about this; and all of us got out the message that abuses happened and we weren’t going to take it lying down. I look around at our network of friends and am astounded by the brilliance, the love and the honor each possesses. It takes a strong person to get up and cry foul, and an even stronger person to be able face their abusers and parents, looking into the eye of a camera and letting them know enough is enough.
I look back with pride and see all the small battles we have won and all truth we have spoken. We didn’t have time to sit down and coordinate a media campaign, most of us never even spoke with each other, but we all said the same thing, we all were on the same page.
Still, the one thing that baffles me in all of this is where are the parents? Why have I barely seen any reaction from them? Why is it that the victims of abuse are the only ones speaking out? Why is it that they’ll stand back and let The Family add insult to injury by calling us "liars, enemies, etc.." and still not stand with us? I can count on one hand the members of the first generation that have come out to stand with us. I’m shocked and appalled at the non-reaction we’ve received from the ex-FGA’s, and I’m terribly saddened by the sorry-ass excuses I’ve heard from most of them. Excuses like, "It’s water under the bridge," "If I only knew," and "I’m a victim too." I’m shocked at the response we’ve gotten for Rick’s memorial fund. The support has been very slow to come in and only a couple of FGA’s have donated toward it. SHAME on the rest of the FGA’s who are content to sit back and watch us fight this battle on our own. SHAME on the FGA’s who haven’t even contributed to burying Rick and putting that responsibility on our shoulders. Sending $100 is the least they can do. My respect for those former adult members who continue to sit back and watch life pass them by and have done absolutely nothing to support the truth has diminished.
What goes through a person’s mind who is like that? This is the golden opportunity for FGA’s to come out and support their children. It's their moment to come out and ask for forgiveness. There is no better time than this to show some dignity and self-respect and say, "Son, I was wrong. Please forgive me." Why do we have to spell out what is right and wrong for these people?
RIGHT: "I’m sorry that I allowed The Family to rule my life and govern my actions. I’m guilty as charged and want to change."
WRONG: "The Family made me do it - I hate them."
RIGHT: "I’m sorry I stood back and allowed you to be exploited. I take FULL responsibility for the abuses you suffered."
WRONG: "The Family made me do it."
RIGHT: "Here is my statement, and here is my donation to help memorialize Rick"
WRONG: " I’m sorry for your loss, but the SGA’s can bury their own dead."
Please tell me I am wrong. Please tell me there is hope for the FGA’s to come to an understanding that they ALL were partakers by their actions and inactions. Tell me I'm not pipe dreaming. The truth is that any adult that joined after FF’ing is guilty, guilty, guilty - are we the only people who see that?
These parents need to understand that what most of us want is validation and support. We are quick to forgive, we are quick to understand, but we are slow to getting screwed again. If the parents do not step up to the plate and reconcile with their children now, will they ever?
Parents, you are losing your kids by your inability to reconnect with them. What's going to happen with you when you need to retire and little Suzy isn’t interest in paying your bills? Look into the future a bit and realize that no child will ever want to pay for your butt after being screwed by you their whole life and while you deny it all along. There comes a point where parents just are not worth their title; we have been more parents to our siblings than many of you ever were to us, and our patience is running out.
Realize this, your children love you and want you in their lives, but not until you are willing to step up to the plate and be the parent you were meant to be. Reverse the role and be the parent again, but understand that we will not let off the heat until the truth prevails. You have the option of standing with or against us. The latter of which will not be pretty. Validate us now before we start naming your names.
Do you need a little guidance on where to start? Go to your kids and ask for their forgiveness, and then send support so we can once again bury our dead.
