Rick (posted on 'Open House' NDN)

Rick

Posted By: Anneke
Date: Friday, 14 January 2005, at 3:49 p.m.

Hi, I am in Venice, Italy for two months. I found out about Rick the other night when I was at the hospital. I came here for two months to help nurse my sister who has been living here for thirty years and moved to Italy after visiting me when I was in the COG. She fell in love with Venice and has been here since 1975.

Her house was the House of Tintoretti in the Cannaregio quarters of Venice. One week after I arrived and after me being by her bedside day and night she died Tuesday and the funeral was Thursday. It was a horrible death and some of the people who have been in touch with me by phone over here know what I am talking about. The night of her death I got the call about Rick.

Last year Armendria asked if her friend, Rick, also known as Davidito could work for my husband Ron in his company. We met together one night over an Italian dinner in San Diego and we immediately fell in love with him.

He was the politest young man I'd ever met. He was thanking us for the opportunity and he began to work alongside my son as an electrician in Ron's company. My son, a good electrician, was raving to us about Rick. He said, "Rick is my clone! He's probably even better than I am!" Rick was fast and professional and extremely clean cut.

He had that dark short hair, huge brown eyes and white teeth and the biggest smile you have ever seen. He was always so NICE! As we got to know each other we started talking about his experiences in the COG. He told me that for years he hid from it and wouldn't talk about it. He said that didn't stop the anger...not so much pain, but he said anger and embarrassment.

He said maybe now the answer was to talk it to death. He told me all he could think about, what consumed his every waking moment was to bring the F down. He said he had to be careful and act like he wasn't an enemy because he loved his sister, Techi, so much but he said if he made waves and there was an opportunity for her to leave and Zerby, as he called her, never said his mother...only ZERBY...he said if Zerby got wind they'd steal Techi's baby/child and that alone would prevent her from leaving. He said it was because of Techi alone he didn't tip his hand on how strong his hatred was. He said he also wanted a place so that Techi would have a place to go if she left. I told him to tell her to call me if she needed a place to go and she could stay with us. (The offer is still good.)

He used to imagine how it would all go together to bring them down. He said he didn't even care about bringing down FCF. He said they were disposable nothings to Zerby and if they were brought down it still wouldn't affect her. He told me when there was a Flee letter out or something like that that Zerby had a rock star caliber bus ready to take off filled with every luxury you could imagine while the rest of the peons in the COG were living much less high on the hog.

He hated Sara and he hated anyone that had anyone that had anything to do with his childhood abuse. he told me as long as he was good he was treated like the royal prince. If he wasn't good the consequences were horrible. I am not surprised he agreed to meet with Cedar/Sue/Angela that day. He knew that was the closest he would ever get to Zerby again and I think 29 years of rage and trauma and embarrassment, he kept using that word let go in that moment.

We had just moved from a big house to a much smaller house. Rick had just moved to SD from Washington and was sleeping on Armi's couch at this point and needed his own place and furniture. We had so much stuff left from the move he rented a UHAUL and picked up what may have been a full trailer.

When he left our company temporarily to be with his ailing grandmother we told him his job was always waiting for him. He'd been gone about a month and called me and said he was coming to town and could he see me. I said sure and he came over one day and he said how much he loved his grandmother and his aunt. Maybe he said aunts but he said he told an aunt he washed she were his mother and he told me she said, "So do I." He said they were so kind to him. He said they were very poor but they were so kind.

He had a nice car at the time. He said he had to blackmail Zerby to get the money out of her for what I think he said was a down payment. She said no at first and he told her it was the least she could do for him and something he told me he said, I can't remember now, caused her to at least give the downpayment.

The last time I saw him we were talking about his failed marriage. He said it wasn't her, that he needed to get away and it was him and that he loved her.

Rick told me it was because of Deborah Berg Davis he left the cult for good. I thought he'd gotten a hold of her and had talked to her. I didn't know they'd never met. Rick was at the house and I was going thru some photos and I found a pic Deb had sent me of her and the kids and the grandkids and I exclaimed, "Oh my! Rick! Do you want to see a picture of all your cousins?" He stared at the picture a long time and finally asked, "Which one is Deb?"

I said I thought they'd met. He said no, that he left after reading her book. He said he finally had a clue that there was someone who might understand what he went through. He said it helped him to understand some things. He went back to doing what he was doing and I ran and called Deb. I told her what had just happened and she was shocked and happy. I said he was in the next room and would she like to talk to him. She said yes. I went in the next room and held the phone out and asked Rick if he'd like to meet his aunt Deborah. He took the phone and I left the room as they talked for an hour. He came out and handed the phone back to me and thanked me and said they'd made plans to meet sometime.

Rick told me there wasn't one other person on the planet that could understand him. he said others had been abused the way he was but also not the way he was. I told him maybe Deb would be that person who understood and he hoped so. He said whether he was with ex memebers or people that had nothing to do with the cult he still felt different. He told my son as he left that day, "Your mom is so nice." My son just shrugged and rolled his eyes.

I talked to him one more time on the phone and he said he was sorry to miss our housewarming to our new house. I told him it didn't matter and I would make a feast next time he came to town. Armi said he was coming to town for New year's and I told her to tell him to come over. I didn't hear from him so figured he had other plans. I left three days later for Italy.

I thought he was finding some peace. He liked having his flesh family around in AZ. He told me he was happy with them. He also loved ice tea with a lot of ice. It is funny that stands out to me.

I know he made Zerby sound like a machine. He said she never behaved like a mother to him. Isn't it irony she is called mama by so many. The ones who have never met her have a romantic idea about her. The ones that have like Rick and many of the other SG's who have passed thru my doors or heart and have actually had her in their lives all say the same thing and that is she is cold and ruthless if you aren't lining up to what she wants. I am on an internet at a cafe in Venice and am running out of time. Anneke