| | OUR STATED SITE MISSION:
exFamily.org is a website supported by a group of volunteers and has a threefold purpose:
- To be a dynamic resource of information about The Family (a.k.a. Children of God and other pseudonyms)
- To provide tools which enable convenient access to that information
- To help current and ex members to process their past to move on and create their future
When I first envisioned this site, all I wanted to do was empower and connect people. I wanted to assemble in one spot, the wealth of truthful information and resources that was out there, to:
- help those that were still in the cult to leave
- help those that have left to process their painful past and move on,
- help friends and relatives of past and present members with information
- provide a source for credible research on TF cult
What I envisioned was an ambitious project to say the least, and I have not had the opportunity to launch 90% of the features I planned for this site. We settled for going live in 2002, with 10% of what I originally wanted to put together - most of the features you now see, to fill a void we perceived to be in the online world.
A lot has happened since 2002. New sites have sprung up. We have had volunteer staff come and go. Some had other commitments and could not put in the time. A couple were initially intimidated by threats by leaders of TF as we exposed their operations. Some left due to (real or perceived) fundamental differences.
There has been a lot to learn, in dealing with the sensitivities and needs of this community. Like anything in life, we've had successes and setbacks. Some of the highlights were when we helped people with information that resulted in their being reunited with their loved ones… when we shared information with individuals which empowered them in their negotiations with TF. We get a lot of emails thanking us for the information we are providing, and queries for information not found on our site, In addition, we get a lot of correspondence thanking us for advice and work done behind the scenes, things we are not at liberty to repeat in public.
It's been rather fulfilling for me personally, to exercise our freedom of speech, and to assert our perspective, our opinion of what has truly been happening and is continuing to happen with TF, as opposed to the spin TF puts out to the world. We are proud of the quality of information we provide, and articles we place online.
As many features as I first envisioned initially, I really did not want to have any chat boards because of the heavy administrative costs. I thought the strength of our site would be the permanent articles, as opposed to moving and changing chat boards. To quote a friend, "with each board is a headache." Regardless, the boards became an integral part of how we envisioned our community could arrive at new information and conclusions through learning from each other. We wanted ex-members and friends to connect and network regarding causes such as class action suits and setting up half-way houses. Many ex-members have indeed received support and understanding through our boards, regarding issues that only fellow ex-cult members could understand. Of particular interest to me was seeing us examine issues about what made us join the cult, what made us stay in, and what made us believe and do what we did. Many posts have touched on such deep reflections and important questions. There is a wealth of information in our 15,000 or so archived posts, which I will create an improved search function for.
Still, the chat boards have come at a cost. In trying to cater to the needs of our visitors, we opened several chat boards, which seemed to bring us further and further from our original site mission and mandate. As we feared, opening a political chat board has resulted in lost friendships and polarization.
We've closed down Soapbox, which we felt was moving us further and further from our original site mission, and which we feel is not beneficial to our project or visitors and participants in the bigger picture. There are many political discussion boards where you can continue to discuss these topics, but they are not something within the mandate of our site.
Whatever we have succeeded or failed in doing, one thing I have personally never envisioned is for this site to be a substitute addiction/cult in any way. Although I am happy to be providing a place where we can get together and process our past, the fact is we ex-members are here because of a tragic period in our lives most of us want to get past. In that light, I would rejoice for the person who is able to find true healing and move on, to grow up, and grow out of our site.
"Growing up" and moving on is something even coordinators do. We've recently had a few who've done just that and resigned, citing irreconcilable differences or incompatibility. Some admitted to having goals which were not necessarily compatible with our site mission (see above). Carol, Acheick and Kathy are no longer with our staff.
These recent events have caused no small amount of noise and concern. There are now some emails circulating with content which does not accurately portray events which have actually transpired. Rather than answer them, as they were not addressed to me, and I have no time or wish to get drawn into arguments, I will state my perspective. These opinions are my perspective, and I hereby preface everything with "in my opinion."
In my opinion, the polarization that is apparent on our boards reflects what is happening in society on a macro scale. We have had coordinators identifying with opposite sides of the political spectrum in more and more extreme ways, and showing a marked increase in their intolerance for others of different persuasions. This intolerance has come from all sides, conservative right to liberal, to left-leaning. Each side has complained to us about catering too much to the other. And those in the middle seem to have succeeded in offending just about everybody.
As a result of this polarization, plus some personal grievances, some coordinators fell out with each other and resigned. But not before a small amount of transgression of coordinator rules and abuse of privileges had taken place: heated words were exchanged, private personal grievances were aired in public, and posts were made contravening the rules and guidelines of the chat boards.
To be honest, much of what happened has left me puzzled. It is probably because I have a whole different temperament about these things, and in real life, I am used to working with a diversity of opinions and succeed in bringing people together on professional projects, who are bound by professional rules and codes of conduct.
Still, the thing to remember is that this site has come as a result of people volunteering their time, to provide a service to the public. These volunteers, have graciously given of themselves because they are in a position to contribute truthful helpful information, having once been in TF cult. Yet sometimes, because of our cultic past, even a volunteer project like this one can start to remind us of our life in TF. After the repercussions of giving our lives to a mistaken cause, the last thing some of us need is to take on yet another cause. We need to take care of ourselves first because we deserve to be selfish after so much forced and unnecessary giving. So it's been a tricky balance for each of us - to be pro-active for a "cause" yet feel a sense of owning our own lives. We each have found some amount of healing through working on this project, as well as re-opened old wounds and subjected ourselves to more pain when what we needed to do was move on.
What we probably needed but didn't have was a 3rd party in-house therapist. Behind the scenes, words like "follow-up mail" are never used. To "counsel" gives some of us the shivers. I laughed when someone suggested passing out tracts about the FCF, because that's the last thing those of us who've been litnessing and postering for 2 decades want to do. (Don't get me wrong, information tracts about the FCF operation are a necessary thing and I'm glad someone put that together!)
So I'd like to finish off with my sincere thanks to our departed volunteer staff who gave of themselves, despite the enormous costs to their personal lives. we couldn't have come this far without their contributions. exFamily.org is here to stay, and perhaps the recent changes in personnel were for the better. Our team is now more focused on what we were here to do - putting up information and articles. I will continue to develop scripts, as time permits, and "provide tools which enable convenient access to [the] information" on our site and elsewhere.
We would also like to thank all our participants on the boards, who've contributed to the wealth of information in our archives, who've boldly explored extremely painful issues, asked unaskable questions...
At the risk of giving anyone the shivers,
God Bless! |
