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In Reply to: Re: interesting post on Moving On posted by Acheick on September 08, 2004 at 11:00:05:
Well, I guess I'd better say a couple of things here.
First of all, your assumption that I didn't get far in reading your site is completely incorrect. As these particular recent discussions--the ones that sort of ticked me off--got more involved, I continued to read them ALL, and I re-read them all a few times before writing my article. I even put them all in a file together, just to be sure. So...
Now you, on the other hand, so obviously didn't read my article that it's actually a little funny considering that you didn't even get far enough into it to realise that I am a female. It is on very little information, therefore, that you make your comments on my article. You said "neither of us really understood what the other was saying." Atually, I do understand what you all are saying. My article made that clear. But you wouldn't know that, having not read it. Usually you have to actually read what is said to be able to understand it. I'm sorry to come out like this, but I just feel like you should have at least read it before making an opinion on it.
To all the FGs that might read this: Please understand that my article was written in a semi-tongue-in-cheek style, and as I acknowledged in the beginning of the article, I used exaggerated statements and sweeping generalities in my discription of the issues.
As I went on to express in the article, I know that many FGs have suffered tremendously. If any of you would know me, you would know how much I ache for all that my own mother went through. I know the cult was horrid for all involved on so many levels. I was using black and white to discribe a picture that is only shades of grey, and I admitted as much.
I also want to say that although I mentioned James Penn by name in my article, there are a few posters from this site that made comments in the discussions I was bringing up that were incredibly insightful, understanding, and sympathetic regarding the SGs state of mind on these issues, and whose posts actually greatly encouraged me that there are many FGs who have seen and understood the complexity of our anger and frustration. I should have mentioned your posts too, I'm sorry, especially "Bystander". I think that you really "get it", as we youngin's say.(Heh)
Having said that, I still stand by my article, and I still stand by my opinion that there are many, many posts on here with a similar feeling of "I never saw, I never did, I never knew," etc. Yes, there are many posts that say "I'm sorry for..." the only thing is, most of them have a "but" afterwards, "...but I was abused too" or, "I'm sorry that I let myself get brainwashed."
Here are a few posts from these discussions (yes, I read them!) and maybe you can see a little bit how they can look to someone from the Second generation:
"...Personally I really don't look at an FG, SG separation basis. I look at all of us as ex members, who should support one another..."
"Personally I never witnessed any sexual abuse of young people."
"...I apologize for my part in it, but there were adult victims too."
"How guilty does that make me? I regret that I didn't have my eyes open earlier."
"...I was not right in my own head, my judgement was impaired, through my surrendering and willingly allowing people to influence me bit by bit in the wrong direction...my faculties for recognizing right from wrong were not working because of that..."
"I can admit I was brainwashed in a brainwashed cult."
"I never read it"
"I personally never saw it or heard of it"
"I never saw anything like the Davidito book being practiced on any child"
"I never participated or witness sexual abuse of anyone"
"There were plenty of victims amongst those that joined."
"...But many terrible things happened to FGs too. And guess what? SOME FGs have had more abuse than SOME SGs."
I also still stand by the fact that--however over-simplified it might seem--the FGs and SGs are in very separate categories as victims. The bottom line is, FGs had a choice. Whether it was taken from them, duped from them, or they gave it up, they all started out with a choice. We did not. It was never given to us.
There are two sides to every story. I was just telling mine. By clearly spelling out--even in an elaborate way--one side of the story doesn't disregard the other side.
