Across Generations

I see the family system as a microcosm of larger systems like the Chinese under Mao for instance. The youth that joined the family in its early years did not join a sex cult. But it was a very controlled society with constant indoctrination, sleep deprivation,love (not sex) and fear tactics to keep people dependent. Then the organization takes on a life of its own. What started out as a place of refuge and meaning and purpose in life for the marginalized 60's kids (and a few that weren't so marginalized)started with intensive indoctrination, purging sessions, "buddy system", censorship of outgoing and incoming mail, and something bigger than just a government, but a belief in the divinity of the leader and in a God that was supposed to represent the one true God and one true leader. So to doubt that God or leader was tantamount to bringing death upon yourself or someone close to you. The First Generation were the first victims of a demented man that systematically broke us down and then used us against each other in a 1984ish sort of system of reporting on self and others.
At times when a person wanted to leave, the fear was not simply of getting caught and stopped by people, it was fear of God, and unseen forces striking ya dead. It kind of reminds me of that ad where a child is playing and then a voice says something like: "Who would have ever imagined that I would grow up to be a heroin addict?" We of the first generation took in the poison that was coated in positivity and believed that to doubt, to leave to disobey was to die. You can't run away from an all seeing all knowing God who is the big Cleaner in the sky.
Then along come children. Berg wanted to take kids away to be the pure 'hitler-youth' to be trained to be endtime revolutionaries. I left well before any of that happened. I felt wrong for leaving and like I would die or maybe my kids would but we didn't. I had to be out awhile and detox to gain perspective.
How could FG's abandon their children to family camps? Take that back a step further. How could someone who avoided touch after so much sexual abuse become involved in sex for Jesus? It all sounds horrific and it all is horrific. But I understand how it happened. It does not excuse pedophiles that went after youth with a gusto, even after a charter was set up to at least appear to change that.
SGs suffer from horrendous pasts in many cases, and so do FGs. We were all victimized, and many in both categories were victimizers under the influence. All the animosity that exists between some FGs and some SGs is wasted. The target of the anger should be the source. That source was Berg and now Maria and Peter. And for some, individuals in the family that abused others sexually are responsible for that act. Or towards their own families that are still in and cutting them off. Even when letters first came out about Davidito, most chose to keep their hands off kids at the time that I left. In fact, the initial presentation about sex regarding kids was quite innocuous. Berg presented sex as healthy and that kids should not be ashamed of nudity or be corrected if they saw adults engaged in sex. We wanted them to have a healthy sense of sexuality. That is the way Berg FIRST presented it. Then there was another significant shift. I left around this time without being consciously aware of all the reasons why. But overall, I was very burnt out.
Leadership became "Visiting Shepherds" and they were given a higher level of info. on what to push and prepare the way for. They were to see that the letters were being lived. I remember some coming to the home in Oldenburg and suggesting the young children dance together like little adults. I remember I found that to be really weird. At the same time they were pressing the FF stats. The next step was to introduce the idea of "Cum-unions" i.o.w...orgies for Jesus and let your children be present but untouched. I took my children away from it. I did not know it was to happen. I was being majorly affected by abuse from my past that made me protect my children in the face of possible death. I had "The Girl Who Wouldn't" read to me and tounges and prophecy that I were better off dead than to disobey. I was abandoned in Europe with no way out. Most FGs have a whole host of their own horror stories. I don't think any of us wished that upon ourselves or any bad upon our children. My kids were small when we got out. I leapt out on impulse fully believing the Cleaner in the sky would be lining up his sites on us sooner or later. Shit..I believed that Hurricane Alicia came to Houston because I had left the family! God was coming to kill us. It was hell. I had NO help after getting out. I was thirty with no drivers license, no bank account, and I didn't know either how to do the simplest things. AND I had three kids with no one but me to depend on. They are what kept me together. I needed to survive for them and I hurt every day of my life that they did not have extended family or anyone safe outside of me for most of their lives. Survival was very hard. We were quite poor for a long time. Then when opportunities opened up for me, they were in their crazy adolescent stage. We all survived it. None of them are in Iraq. I will say,however, that at least my eldest son is very conservative and will vote for Bush while I will vote for Kerry. But we love and respect each other even though we see things so very differently.
I am fortunate to have gotten out when I did. Separations from kids occurred for me when mine were very little and I hated it. It tore my heart apart. Perhaps that is one reason I too have a hard time seeing FGs categorically reamed by some SGs because their perception of the truth is jaded by their own experiences and not a full understanding of the whole history of the beast.
It does not take away from their anger to say this. But many FGs very much care about their kids and still do. The system in the family tears families apart to gain control. Now that we are EXERS here, there is much we could learn about each other and our respective experiences, but doing so would be a two way and not a one way street.