In Reply to: Re: smug aren't you? posted by Mr. Don on June 28, 2004 at 17:13:48:
Michael Moore's Facts by J.C. King
On Friday, Michael Moore's new documentary, "Fahrenheit 9/11," opened nationwide in 868 theatres and is already on its way to being Mr. Moore's most successful movie to date. Like most people, I found myself with nothing to do on opening night, and since I had an overwhelming curiosity about the movie, largely due to its constant coverage in the media, I bribed my wife to go, and purchased two tickets.
Needless to say, I should've stayed home and watched "Walker Texas Ranger." This film was not a balanced look at the facts revolving around the events of September 11 and its aftermath. This was America according to Michael Moore. So if you have a similar inclination to visit your local theater, please let me save you the $14 and give you a list of the "facts" presented in the movie.
Michael Moore Fact No. 1: George W. Bush knew a guy who knew a guy, who stood next to a guy on an elevator, who happened to be the husband of a girl whose cousin was dating this really, really fat man, who worked with a guy who was related to (hold your breath for this one) Osama bin Laden!
At this point in the film, Michael Moore interviews a few Democrats who say Bush is a bad, stupid man who has some curious links to the bin Laden family, plays music that probably got rejected from "Unsolved Mysteries," and shows Bush and his father shaking the hands of Saudi Arabians.
Michael Moore Fact No. 2: Americans supported the war with Iraq because we are trained dogs.
Now you have to really focus on this part of the film to absorb it all. We as Americans are manipulated by the media with the orange alerts, terrorist threats and cavity searches we just went along with blindly with the war in Iraq. After all, there is no terrorist threat. The media created it because they are manipulated by the Bush administration. Apparently, even though the president is a buffoon, he is capable of controlling the media, who are controlling you. So who's pulling the president's strings, you ask? (I know that was my obvious question.)
The president is under the authority of (hold your breath again) the Saudi Arabians, Big Oil, Big Tobacco, Enron, the Rich Republicans, his Daddy, and Osama bin Laden!
Michael Moore Fact No. 3: Until we went there and disrupted the peace, Baghdad was the happiest place in the world. It looked like a scene out of "Mary Poppins." There were kids flying kites, playing in playgrounds, teenagers shopping at The Gap. It was all happiness and puppies. That whole third-world country thing was just propaganda. What about the whole Saddam Hussein oppressive dictatorship you ask? Horse puckey! That was not a problem until we went there and destroyed the peace in Iraq.
Michael Moore Fact No. 4: Our soldiers are dumb rednecks who like to play rock music while they kill innocent civilians. However, they were just preyed upon by Nazi military recruiters who force these poor minorities, mainly from Flint, Mich., to join. After being forced into the military, then being forced to actually go fight in a war, these poor innocents are misled by our government's immorality, and that's why they molest prisoners.
Now, if you still can't resist the urge to waste your money, you can learn more interesting Michael Moore facts like there are no cops in Oregon, black people's votes don't count in Florida, and protesters are the only people who aren't blind sheep in this country. And at the end of the movie expect a standing ovation from a group of people who don't see the movie as a presentation of Michael Moore's pessimistic view of America; they just see it as America.