thanks for the input

It's nice to talk to someone who can relate to feelings I have. The people I live with don't know about the Fam or what people went through.I never talked to them much aboutIRFER'S BEWARE leaving and coming back and having it all fall apart again. My children had some rough experiences but they are doing fine now.They went to California to a farm and expectations of living like the videos. They had a terrible let down. Let the spankings begin.
I'vve always been strong with drive knowung God would work it out and then. Flat.I'm 54 and dropped the ball and ended up working 3 jobs 7 to 3 and then 5 to 12. I had 4hrs sleep and maby 3 1/2 sometimes.Also manage the apts we live in. this is almost funny and on top of that I've got a drinking problem trying to medicate my mess ups. The last time I was in the Family in 90 all the members floating on the outside were unstable and falling apart. Thank God I know the Lord because I need his grace and mercy.I bet lots of former members have had similar problems.
So I was living with my family of 8 kids with everything going nuts on the outside of the family and then we went to a fellowship. My kids compleatly rebelled smokeing spitting like screw this. This was the lowest point of my life I knew we would be kicked out ashamed. Whe people we were helping gave leadership an ear full and boom out we were. Ill bet there are lots of stories like that. Your letters are taken away and youre given the blank stare. Can I tell you honest how I felt going back. Everything was beautiful and then we got visited and became DO wew were so excited but when i got home wan knight and the new leaders were there everyone looked scared. I had been out since my wife went to be wiht the Lord in 1980 and here I was in 89 DO.It didn"t take long to know I didn't like our situation.It wasn't fun anymore serving God but watch your step scarry.I soon was wishing we could get out on the scirts and maby it would be good again.After a year we were to fed up and we lost our statis our letters were taken away
and we were on our oun. I thought yippeee thank God but my wife was broken up. She had been in the Family her whole life since a teen. It was very hard on her and us. Our dreams of regaining a happy life on the skirts of the Fam were dashed as you can see so here I am trying to be honest and let go. Thanks for your responces Matt