letdown

I feel let down by the ending of the dream I had.
I should be doing better. I'm waiting for the end.My life feels like a car crash in slow motion.I love Jesus and have been touched by his love for me but I just can't seem to fit in and find the groove. No church tried it living with a sheep for the last 7 years daughter 11 son 30 beautiful people everybody needs me. an old friend came by from the fam stayed for a day lots of pressure my mate's daughter was here with her newborne and all of us in little space. the daughter got up tight. I wish we could have kicked the gong. the testamonies are so heart wrenching. I have a hard time even though I went through very bad experiences. I'm trying to patch the hole that got left having the hope of the Family and somehow being good enough to make it . Such hard things to hear. I feel guilty finding out these things but there is only one truth,one god, one right, one wrong. Pray for me thatI find my way I want the truth and thirst for the truth in this dark world. I'm not trying to build anymore I jusst want to touch his love
I feel like crash but I'm Matt
Hello agAIN