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In Reply to: My Story posted by Anonymous on April 29, 2004 at 14:42:59:
Often, I get the urge to tell my family (mostly my older sisters). I want to tell them not only to get this secret out in the open, but also because I want them to know what kind of person my brother really is. I feel sick every time I see him and when my sisters mention what a nice guy he is. But I don’t know how I can ever tell anyone. I can’t even put my first name on this post. And I am still a little afraid that they won’t believe. Also, I don’t know how this will affect my entire family. But most of all, I am ashamed of the whole thing. I can’t seem to shake that feeling of being partly responsible. I KNOW it wasn’t my fault, but I FEEL like it was my fault. Make any sense?
Dear, dear A.....I feel really, really sorry for you & really hope, that AG/Jane answers with her expert-experience to
your post
This is my attempt...I have also a sort of "Christian opinion", out of believe & faith "to offer", however I leave that out
at the moment...
Given the oversexualized background of TF, your sad story is showing, proving, what damages a lack of restraint & good morals can cause...after all, nobody seemed to have asked what you felt about it, but just awfully misused you.
Well, you might think it's odd to mention it, the Old Testament recommendation for Isrealite women in such unwanted situations was to scream for help in selfdefense...(although if it occured in the boonies, "they were realistic
about it")...I am saying that, because, may be you still feel & always felt like yelling it all out this injustice which happened to you,... however, since you were that young, I mean, what could you have done then realistically??...& I really, really praise you, for making this courageous step & telling us all about it....I think this is superimportant and I could think, probably the turning point!!!
Now you seem to have a sister, with whom you are at good terms...one, who really likes you & you like her...
it'd seem therefore natural, to confide the whole story to her....maybe at a time, when again everybody praises your brother etc. & you let her know, that there is also another side to the coin....you sound in general more believable, if
you don't negate the good points he might have now, but you're the one, who knows the ugly part about him....
Sooner or later, you need to confront him too, how his behaviour deeply hurt & affected you....you should tell him...may be by having first an appointment with someone professional in that area or together with a won member of your family...
What effect it'll have on your family?...in the long run a very good one...truth is always the right & better option....
whether your parents &/ or brother immediately can handle it, is IMO not so relevant...sweet as you're, you worry now about the wellbeing of the others...but they were to busy or selfish, sinful like your brother, to care about you &
your father didn't make sure it would never happen again, not even talking to you seperately, to get the story straight...that is real neglect on his side...may be he was super tired & busy, having tons of problems...still you deserved a better treatment....
and the shame-part is IMO just something between you & your Creator, that's the way I see it, He's the one, who can tell you, that He accepts & loves you, even if you can hardly accept it yourself...
Being Exers, we have often not really super much to be proud about of the past...but may be this ordeal helps you to relate to the many people, to whom something like this happened to...& there are many, who have never been in the cult & still suffer the same what you did...
I really hope, that some of your sisters listens to you....I wish you lots of success...a healing of heart, mind & soul...
