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In Reply to: Hi Max posted by Thinker on April 04, 2004 at 16:56:56:
Was it easy for you to leave?
No I wanted to leave since I was 14 but I did not know how to go about it as I had absolutely no contact with anyone outside and although I knew people who had left I had no idea how to go about contacting them. Friends who left just sort of disappeared.
Were you convinced not to several times before finally leaving?
As I said I wanted to leave long before I did and I spoke of it quite a few times but they always said my faith was just low and need a boost so they sent me on road trips, gave me extra word time and them finally sent me to Africa. I was easily convinced to do what they asked as I had no idea what else to do and truthfully was very scared of leaving. I didn’t know how I was going to get a job with no education or find some place to live, or how to open a bank account if I even got a job, how to go about renting a house etc. I really though no one would let me rent as I though they would check your records of where you lived before and try to find out who you were etc. and of course I had no records.
When you got out, did you at first think positively of the Family?
I didn’t really have any clear thoughts about them. I was confused, hurt, and angry at them for putting me in the position I was now in but other then that I didn’t know what to think.
Did the Family help you to leave or put you on your feet in any way?
They continued to try to convince me to stay and they didn’t help me find a house or job etc. but they at least didn’t kick me onto the street. They let me stay in the home I was in for a week after I said I was leaving, until I found a traveling job that included a place to live and transportation.
Were you aware what you experienced was "abuse" or was that a realization that came later?
When I left I knew the sexual part of the abuse was abuse, but I wasn’t sure about anything else.
Were you ever asked by members of the Family not to speak out against your step-dad?
I was in the raids in Australia in 1992. And after talking to the leader of the home about him around the same time, she told me well he didn’t actually have sex with you (he only played with me and had me play with him until he came) so if you’re ever asked if you were sexually abused by an adult you can honestly say no. I guess they were scared of what we might say to the social workers.
Did you find the education you received in the Family adequate or helpful?
No, nothing was document so I couldn’t even prove that I knew what I knew, which wasn’t that much.
What did you when you first got out?
As I said I got a traveling sales job first but I got fired for not making enough sales about 2 months latter. I was very depressed and felt like I was unable to relate to anyone at all. It was very hard as you can’t even explain to people why you are feeling the way you are feeling. I soon got a job as a striper, I figured that if I could do it for the family or for god I could do it for money and I moved into an apartment with my younger sister who also left. (She was working as a prostitute and was heavily addicted to drugs, and still is.) We lived like this for about a year but after being molested twice after work I couldn’t go back there and not long latter I tried to kill myself, my boyfriend saved my life, he found me and rushed me to the hospital. Latter he convinced me to study and I did year ten and then took a child care course, and now I am working in child care.
Did you have relatives that supported you?
No, besides my parents who were in the family at the time, I didn’t have contact with any relatives.
Did you get some help from the government?
After trying to kill myself they tried to give me psychiatric help, tried to get me to talk to a psychiatrist and put me on tranquilizers and antidepressants. The psychiatrist didn’t help me much as first of all I had to convince him that I was no longer a danger to myself so I wouldn’t get locked up and after I managed to convince him of that he wanted too much personal information about me, my family and the family, and all I wanted to do was be normal, not to hurt anyone else or to get anyone else involved. The drugs helped some but I didn’t want to be addicted to them forever and while taking them I was always wondering if I was really okay or was it the drugs that made me think that way so I gave them up after about a year and a half.
What practical or emotionally difficulties did you face?
Lack of education made it very hard to get and keep a good job, the weird sexual education I had made it very hard for me to relate to guys, coming from an unheard of background made it very difficult to have friends, lack of knowledge about normal things that everyone should know caused untold difficulties such as how to rent a house, open a bank account, pay taxes, fill out forms, give financial details, explain away what you have been doing all through the years, explain where your parents and family are and why they can’t be contacted and what they are doing, etc. Trying to find something to believe in is also difficult, even if you disagree with all you have been taught and even if you hate it it doesn’t just leave your mind, I could go to church or relate to any Christian friends, witchcraft was strangely enough the closet thing I came to follow before I through the whole lot out and convinced myself to stop looking and just focus on practical life.
What advice if any, do you have for SGs trying to leave?
???
