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In Reply to: How angry are you on a scale of 1 to 10 ? posted by Jesse (rockon) on March 31, 2004 at 11:03:27:
When I first got out I was sad, mad, as well as excited and relieved. For years I had a lot of internal anger that would only manifest itself to my loved ones. Although it was PTS related, that anger was not necessarily related to being trapped for years in a cult.
Most of it is now gone. I find myself a peaceful person, inside and out. I have my trigger points, but I don't find my buttons being pushed too easily nowadays. Some things get to me more than others. Arrogance, ignorance and narrow-mindedness upsets me more than anything else.
Most of the time, when something upsets me, I get determined, resolved to take action, but avoid getting immobilized by being raving mad or freaking out. Still, I can't tell you I don't have a temper, just that it rarely shows now.
About Berg and the Family and the horror stories I read, I don't mean to sound calloused but nothing surprises me anymore. I just get determined to do whatever I can steadily and quietly about helping change the situation, to support those in need.
If you're feelng a lot of anger, you will always have your reasons, and you will always find ways to justify it, but maybe you should find a way to change that into something that works better for you. Anger is bad for your health, as I'm sure you know. You can actually burst your blood vessels, raise you blood pressure, do all kinds of things to your body, not to mention make life hell for people around you. I should know, I've done it!
If you find yourself swinging up and down like that, it could be from PTS, or some other kind of mood disorder. Sometimes it's chemical balance in the brain, and getting some medication might help.
An important question is, do you find yourself getting angry only to loved ones and putting on a civil mild-mannered face to the public? Or are you one of the types that let's anyone and everyone have it if you're crossed?
Or are you just referring to the anger inside you about Berg, Family, and past abuses, which is mostly against yourself, and you can't really share your feelings with anyone else except those who know about the cult?
