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In Reply to: Re: free will and choice posted by Albatross on February 17, 2004 at 15:00:22:
Albatross, I had kids in the family and left when they were young. They never experienced a combo and were never severely beaten or sexually molested. But there were abuses that occurred within the family because of having to be out on the sts with them litnessing when they were little, or having them taken away and swept off to another country when they were very little. Or being sent elsewhere myself. To mention just a few things. I felt wrong also for leaving the family, but felt I was on the edge of a complete breakdown and the resources, the kids came together at the right time and I jumped out just like that. It was not premeditated.
Then it was really rough survival without resources on the outside. But we made it. But not without years of therapy and help. I always felt guilty for EVERYTHING bad that happened. A lot of us FGs were taught to feel that way. That continued outside of the family and while getting on my feet and keeping us together, they got into lots of trouble. I took responsibility for ALL of it. I learned through therapy that everything was not my fault. With time and therapy we worked it out and part of what I did was to tell them that if they ever wanted to talk to me about anything that they remembered (like when I wasn't around) or for that matter when I was, that hurt them to tell me and I would listen and not explain anything away. Since we were not in long (as far as their lifetimes go) the oldest two were the only ones that had things to say, over time. I acknowledged their hurts and their anger and told them it was wrong and that It should never have happened (whatever the hurt was, including after getting out of the family) But I had to have some good therapy before I was able to do that. I was only thirty when I left. I had to come to terms with the bad and the ugly that occured in the family and the bad and the ugly that happened to me, that I did, that I didn't do. And the bad and the ugly of the past BEFORE the family. I guess that is why my passion is recovery oriented and sometimes that can be interpreted as not being supportive of SG's (to want to see healing for all). At the same time I know that it is a reality that some will never have the ability to get out or get help, or the desire to. I have read Mene's story and Ricky's story and those of others and realize as much as is possible, having not experienced the family stuff you and others did, how your generation suffered in the family.
I can't imagine what it must be like to have your parents in the family and for you to be outside, seen as an "enemy". That insult is added to the injuries from when you were in the family as a child, and now that you are an adult on the outside.
I find it very tragic that this sort of thing has happened to your generation.
I am also sorry for what my generation experienced when we were young and were recruited into the dream that quickly became a nightmare.
I hope the best for you in your endeavors and for whatever it is that you need to do for your recovery including criminal prosecution and justice via the courts if that is the path you choose.
