recent days

I don't get a lot of time to come to the boards but someone I email a bit told me to come check out what was being said here. My life goes at a million miles a second and I feel like I am constantly juggling the right this minute life, my last F life and always, for some reason a life where I feel like if I am not doing something to "help" then I have failed. In reading this board I came to realize that I had offended some people I had a good realtionshp with a couple of years ago. I know I have a fault of dismissing things if I am not 100% into it and at the time when I used to have some friendships with some F members and yet another website sprang up and I did not know whose this was...I mean it could have been the guy that used to ,,, everything and make us all crazy from Miriam's old website so I said some things to Grant I regret now. I am not stupid and I knew apples for apples but I also had feelings and friendships getting in the way so I said some dumb things. I also started new friendships with second generation "kids" that told me their stories and the whole paradigm (sp?) shifted. If anything I became militant cutting off relationships I used to have and if anything becoming more recognizable as an enemy of the COG...but that was evident to those only that I kept up daily emails with or at least regularly timed ones with like Joseph and a few others that chose to be discreet because I still had some friendships I didn't want to give up. It is very hard to post on the boards when I am at once an enemy of the COG but at the same time have a few dear friends left inside that may still one day may want some help. I don't want to say anymore than that. I do not tithe to, support financially the F or the FCF in any way other than in the past giving some extra furniture to them but that was before all hell broke loose and we had a major run in a long while back. I am sorry to be vague but I have a lot of relationships with people in transition and they are definitely not leaders, Anything but. I am truly sorry my thoughtless remarks caused grief for any of the coordinators here. It was definitely not my intention. I didn't know there were major problems because of this and I am not aware of those problems past or present. Probably because I live in my own bubble. I appreciate Joseph and Jane who share confidences with me but I feel badly they bore any ill will on my behalf. I am really sorry for any pain or trouble I caused and I guarantee this was not intended. I have my own agenda and this board was not earmarked for any fallout. I was a major pain for some of you and probably still am. I also did NOT put our website on the other links sections. Someone did that without my knowledge and I was pretty surprised when I saw it there one day. I also do not go out and seek people to help for any glory. Believe me, it is a tough thing to do an it entails obligations that go on for years. I found some friends at one time inside the F who just happened to be leaders and friends who also were not leaders. We have had the honor of helping BOTH sets of people out and onto normal lives. Unfortunately, the publicity was for the ones with some notariety and the ones we helped out who didn't have the big names were more the status quo for us and you didn't hear about them because we didn't advertise it and you probably wouldn't have known who they were anyway! Ha! These were the ones with us a year or more at a time. The ones that friend our brains! Ha! I just feel badly that all this got so big here. I don't know if Mike is still a coordinator here. If you are one of the ones I hurt I am forever asking your forgiveness. You were so good to my children that I can never repay you. You saved them for me when I felt like everything I did was just plain wrong. Thank God they are doing very well now and I owe a lot of their well being to your unfailing concern. I still have some people I am trying to "help" but they are grown ups and they know where I live so I imagine they will contact me if they ever need help. I quit trying to save the world awhile back but there are those residual people that I just can't give up on. I am truly sorry if this site and the people that oversee this site suffered a year or so back because of my perpetual foot in mouth malady!