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In Reply to: What does Anneke mean by this? posted by Curious on February 05, 2004 at 10:34:29:
My guess is that a person who has had the pseudo closeness of the family, that sometimes between different individuals was as real as the family could allow for before breaking people up and sending them elsewhere, apart from each other.. can feel really isolated in the "real world". Therefore, if they are helping not just people who are leaving, but having friendships with people who they know are still in, there is a keen awareness of who SEEMS to be available (i.e. family) when they have needs themselves. Oftentimes at these vulnerable times, this can make the family friendship attractive. Denial kicks in about the true nature of the friendship when it comes to either side. I don't think there is any denying that we hate the abuses we suffered in the family (as exers) as well as the abuses that others suffered as SG. and TG for that matter, now.
Maybe I could talk about how I came out of the family experience and what I view some of my own difficulties to be as an exer. Then what I am posting won't come across as seeming so hostile or judgemental. Then it can come across with the sincerity that was in my mind when I posted it.
I was somebody that experienced a lot more abuse in the family than many others, as an FG. I left before the uncle and auntie thing started. In some ways, that makes it easier for me in the exer community because I did not do any great harm to anyone while in. But I realize that I could have, given the family dynamics, had i been in the right place around the wrong people at the wrong time.
My fallout from the family is still hypersensitivity. That and a huge lack of trust regarding others. I have never met with any exers (except one couple that does not post, and that was one brief time)and I don't know who's who, but feel keenly aware when top people are recognized and are sought out to be in contact with by exers. This does not make me a bad or weak person. As my self-esteem continues to get better (and it is getting better)those feelings will continue to lessen.
I would actually like to meet some different people in person at some time, but doubt I will ever have that opportunity. In any case, I hope we can all discuss and offend, apologize and whatever we need to do to work through this stuff. The key here, imo, is that Anneke does not need to apologize to anyone unless or until she feels like she needs to.
